Ro’shaan
After becoming a cyborg and inheriting the memories of others before, a human man enlists the aid of an alien cyborg intelligence to prevent the extinction of the human race.
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My first attempt was met with largely one repeated question: why didn’t the alien confederacy leverage the tech for themselves. Since it’s backstory to be released piecemeal, I’ll list it outside of the logline:
1. They (the alien confederacy) doesn’t control the tech. The alien intellect in the logline controls it and hasn’t released it.
2. It cost tens of thousands of lives before the first Ro’shaan was finally created by the race that did create it(a race now long dead). Laws being as they are, deaths caused by medical/technological research are subject to criminal prosecution.
3. There was a convert operation to recreate the tech among the confederacy and while they were successful at recreating it, they failed to contain it, leading to a war. All research and development in to this tech has since been declared forbidden(along with time travel and a few other tech developments) and they are thankful that the pair that does exist is peaceful (for the most part).
My first attempt was met with largely one repeated question: why didn’t the alien confederacy leverage the tech for themselves. Since it’s backstory to be released piecemeal, I’ll list it outside of the logline:
1. They (the alien confederacy) doesn’t control the tech. The alien intellect in the logline controls it and hasn’t released it.
2. It cost tens of thousands of lives before the first Ro’shaan was finally created by the race that did create it(a race now long dead). Laws being as they are, deaths caused by medical/technological research are subject to criminal prosecution.
3. There was a convert operation to recreate the tech among the confederacy and while they were successful at recreating it, they failed to contain it, leading to a war. All research and development in to this tech has since been declared forbidden(along with time travel and a few other tech developments) and they are thankful that the pair that does exist is peaceful (for the most part).
I think the logline needs to state the exact nature of the threat to human survival. What is it? A lethal virus? Or…?
I think the logline needs to state the exact nature of the threat to human survival. What is it? A lethal virus? Or…?
Is the inciting incident becoming a cyborg or inheriting the memories?
If it is becoming a cyborg then how does that alert him to a threat to the human race? If it is inheriting the memories in the process of assimilating to the cyborg collective (ala the Borg collective from Star Treck) and through that he learns of the threat. The inciting incident needs to be specified as the memory inheritance not becoming a cyborg this will also save space in the logline.
And as DPG asked the threat needs to be specified then we can imagine the action the MC will take to prevent it.
Is the inciting incident becoming a cyborg or inheriting the memories?
If it is becoming a cyborg then how does that alert him to a threat to the human race? If it is inheriting the memories in the process of assimilating to the cyborg collective (ala the Borg collective from Star Treck) and through that he learns of the threat. The inciting incident needs to be specified as the memory inheritance not becoming a cyborg this will also save space in the logline.
And as DPG asked the threat needs to be specified then we can imagine the action the MC will take to prevent it.
I believe the inciting incident would be the attack on earth.
—–
“When the earth is attacked by Aliens. A human Cyborg, with an eon of memories must team with an Alien AI to repel the invaders set on pillaging the planet of all it’s resources.”
—–
(Or if your threat to earth is different use that in place of what I wrote)
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
I believe the inciting incident would be the attack on earth.
—–
“When the earth is attacked by Aliens. A human Cyborg, with an eon of memories must team with an Alien AI to repel the invaders set on pillaging the planet of all it’s resources.”
—–
(Or if your threat to earth is different use that in place of what I wrote)
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
That’s supposed to be a comma not a period after the word ‘Aliens’
That’s supposed to be a comma not a period after the word ‘Aliens’
No, the threat is internal. The instincts and characteristics that helped humans survive to become the dominant species (competition, dominance, acquisition, etc) are now the very things that will bring it to its end by its own hands. But the others are right. I need to be more specific on the threat.
In this story world, the event is a common one. All the races in the galaxy experience a global nuclear war but less than 1% survive and the human race will not be one of the survivors unless the two mains do something.
No, the threat is internal. The instincts and characteristics that helped humans survive to become the dominant species (competition, dominance, acquisition, etc) are now the very things that will bring it to its end by its own hands. But the others are right. I need to be more specific on the threat.
In this story world, the event is a common one. All the races in the galaxy experience a global nuclear war but less than 1% survive and the human race will not be one of the survivors unless the two mains do something.
If the threat is a characteristic of human nature it isn’t cinematic enough. A threat should be a clear cut danger to the existing status quo that can be easily visualized by a reader and there after framed by a camera.
Perhaps define a specific action the antagonist is threatening to take that is a result of human nature.
Secondly best to avoid common events as the inciting incidents seeing as they are common they don’t incite anything. The better inciting incidents are those that are uncommon and change the life of the characters significantly.
If the threat is a characteristic of human nature it isn’t cinematic enough. A threat should be a clear cut danger to the existing status quo that can be easily visualized by a reader and there after framed by a camera.
Perhaps define a specific action the antagonist is threatening to take that is a result of human nature.
Secondly best to avoid common events as the inciting incidents seeing as they are common they don’t incite anything. The better inciting incidents are those that are uncommon and change the life of the characters significantly.
“If the threat is a characteristic of human nature it isn?t cinematic enough.”
That’s fine, because this isn’t going to the cinema. I don’t like Hollywood’s “collaboration.” I’m planning this for graphic novel, where I can maintain the story myself without outside interference or usurping.
“Secondly best to avoid common events as the inciting incidents seeing as they are common they don?t incite anything.”
Um….are we on the same page? Maybe not. There are two worlds in play, the localized human world, where the extinction event is unique and disbelieved that it can happen and the outside alien world in which these extinction events are a part of developing civilizations. Those that are interstellar represent the races that survived their EE, yet for every one that survived, there is 100s that did not.
The main finds out he is in danger of being the last human in existence. Rather inciting to me.
“If the threat is a characteristic of human nature it isn?t cinematic enough.”
That’s fine, because this isn’t going to the cinema. I don’t like Hollywood’s “collaboration.” I’m planning this for graphic novel, where I can maintain the story myself without outside interference or usurping.
“Secondly best to avoid common events as the inciting incidents seeing as they are common they don?t incite anything.”
Um….are we on the same page? Maybe not. There are two worlds in play, the localized human world, where the extinction event is unique and disbelieved that it can happen and the outside alien world in which these extinction events are a part of developing civilizations. Those that are interstellar represent the races that survived their EE, yet for every one that survived, there is 100s that did not.
The main finds out he is in danger of being the last human in existence. Rather inciting to me.
>>>I?m planning this for graphic novel…
Oh.
Well, that’s a different medium with different choices and challenges.
>>>I?m planning this for graphic novel…
Oh.
Well, that’s a different medium with different choices and challenges.
As DPG mentioned a graphic novel is all together different with regards to its story requirements. This changes many things as you can part with information relating to characters emotional states and thoughts directly without the need for a visual representation.
With regards to your inciting incident; you specifically described the “event” as “…a common one.” which is as previously explained better done as an uncommon one.
However from your most recent explanation the event or inciting incident is his discovery of the plot against humanity. This does not come across in the currant draft of the logline the inciting incident in the currant draft is becoming a cyborg not learning about the plot to destroy humanity “After becoming a cyborg and inheriting the memories…” . Inheriting memories does not imply learning of a plot to kill all humans and the way in which he learns of the plot i.e inheriting the memories is irrelevant to the logline.
Better then to start the logline with the MC then the inciting incident to make it clear to the reader that this is what starts off the story and makes him take action.
For example:
After discovering a plot to destroy humanity, a man turned cyborg, must fight an evil alien overlord with the aid of a friendly alien AI to save Earth.
As DPG mentioned a graphic novel is all together different with regards to its story requirements. This changes many things as you can part with information relating to characters emotional states and thoughts directly without the need for a visual representation.
With regards to your inciting incident; you specifically described the “event” as “…a common one.” which is as previously explained better done as an uncommon one.
However from your most recent explanation the event or inciting incident is his discovery of the plot against humanity. This does not come across in the currant draft of the logline the inciting incident in the currant draft is becoming a cyborg not learning about the plot to destroy humanity “After becoming a cyborg and inheriting the memories…” . Inheriting memories does not imply learning of a plot to kill all humans and the way in which he learns of the plot i.e inheriting the memories is irrelevant to the logline.
Better then to start the logline with the MC then the inciting incident to make it clear to the reader that this is what starts off the story and makes him take action.
For example:
After discovering a plot to destroy humanity, a man turned cyborg, must fight an evil alien overlord with the aid of a friendly alien AI to save Earth.