After being discharged for unauthorized actions, the wolf soldier works as a security guard for a rich CEO until he is ordered to take down a terrorist group in his hometown hellbent on destroying the Queen.
LeviathanSamurai
After being discharged for unauthorized actions, the wolf soldier works as a security guard for a rich CEO until he is ordered to take down a terrorist group in his hometown hellbent on destroying the Queen.
Share
I felt like I left something out of this one. The stakes are destroying the queen to incite anarchy, but I felt that part was irrelevant.
Who orders him?
If he were working for anyone else than the CEO, would he get “the call” to take down the terrorist group?? If so, then the CEO is an incidental not a causal factor and doesn’t need to be mentioned in the logline.
Every element in a logline? must be a necessary link in a cause-and-effect chain of events.
And why is he getting “the call” anyway — a man with a blemished past?
And doesn’t “destroying the Queen” mean the group wants to assassinate her?? Then say so.? Tell it like it is. Be specific.
“When terrorists capture his hometown, a disgraced soldier must…” (then tell us what he must do)
An ex-soldier is tasked by… to take down a terror cell planning to kill the queen.
How is their being from his hometown important. If it gives him emotions talk about that. Don?t get stuck in the first act.
An ex-soldier is tasked with taking out a terror cell planning on killing the queen only to discover he knows them since childhood from his home town.
What makes this mission personal for him? Hometown isn’t enough, perhaps you could make it so a terrorist group threatens his parents/siblings/wife… this way the stakes are made immediately clear.