After being imprisoned for a crime she didn’t commit, a young Christian Performer struggles against self doubt to find a way to use music to unite the prisoners and prove that God is her redeemer.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
After being imprisoned for a crime she didn’t commit, a young Christian Performer struggles against self doubt to find a way to use music to unite the prisoners and prove that God is her redeemer.
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This loglines does paint a picture of what the story is about.
I would stay away from lines such as “Struggles against self doubt.” because it is too vague and not proactive.
If possible I would personalize this just a little more. There should be a specific prisoner who she wants to save.
Or perhaps a guard or official she is fighting against. Perhaps the warden is an atheist who opposes her ever step of the way.
Just some ideas.
I believe you have a solid set-up.
The logline should just be tweaked a little. Just add a personal element to who she is trying to save (or perhaps who is standing her way) and it will improve.
A single prisoner is a good story telling device.
Don’t want to rewrite your story, but what about if she goes to prison as moral decision. She made an oath before God to keep a secret. She is sent to prison for contempt of court for refusing to answer a question .
It’s a potentially interesting story on a religious theme, but for the purpose of a logline you need to focus on her most important ?dramatic problem, the central conflict that motivates her objective goal.
So what is her ?most important ?dramatic problem? ?Is it:
#1-Self-doubt
#2-the need to unite prisoners through music
#3-prove to them that God is her redeemer.
And as a result of the ONE most important dramatic problem what becomes her ONE objective goal?
What is the nature of her self-doubt? ?About her own faith, her own salvation? ?Or her ability to witness to and convert others?
I’m not sure how #2 works out dramatically. ?And what’s at stake if she fails. ? And I don’t understand why she must prove to someone else that God is her redeemer.?Isn’t faith the assurance of things hoped for — not the assurance in the belief other people hold? ?
Nor do I apprehend what is at stake for her if she fails. ?She’s not damned just because she can’t convince others of her own spiritual conviction, right? ?So what’s at stake?
Also why can’t she be guilty of what she’s sentenced for? ?This would enable a character arc of moral redemption. ? As it is, the logline seems to?set up??a character whose problem is more about other people than ?about herself, her own desperate need to redeem herself.
fwiw