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davidnoblesLogliner
Posted: March 22, 20162016-03-22T05:40:13+10:00 2016-03-22T05:40:13+10:00In: Drama

After being told by his son that he doesn?t want to be a farmer, a father must lovingly support his son?s departure while his own narcissistic father-in-law threatens to withhold his inheritance that could help save his cancer ridden wife?s life.

After being told by his son that he doesn?t want to be a farmer, a father must lovingly support his son?s departure while his own narcissistic father-in-law threatens to withhold his inheritance that could help save his cancer ridden wife?s life.
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    1. FFF Mentor
      2016-03-22T19:54:32+10:00Added an answer on March 22, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      Hello,?some says that if you can’t read a logline in one single breath there’s a problem in the writing – I think this is the case of this logline. Anyway the plot is not very clear to me. Try to decide what is the real inciting event: there are too many events who happens one after the other but I can’t see a real story in motion (the cancer of his wife, the threath to lose his inheritance, the decision of the son to leave the farm life). There are ‘events’ but I can’t see actions. Maybe it’s just a problem of writing. Try to be more specific about everything: what the son ?exaclty wants to do (study law, being a rockstar, being a drag queen?). I can sense the tension and the conflict in the movie, this is good: the main character must deal with supporting his son and ?winning the money of his father in law. (By the way, isn’t it strange that his father in law doesn’t help his own daughter loving housband? If the money is for her cure). There is a magma of conflict and this is good, but what does the main character DO ? Maybe you’re writing a Tcheckov drama where feelings and dialogues and tensions are the matter, in this case polish the logline to make it elegant and smooth.

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