Pilgramage
After cracking into a ghost world?s most heavily fortified museum, an instructional designer must use the clues found to find one of the legendary Lost Wonders of the Universe.
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>>must use the clues found to find one of the legendary Lost Wonders of the Universe.
Or else…?
Before…?
In order to…?
In other words: what’s at stake in the quest?
[Also the working title: “Pilgramage”. Is the misspelling intentional?]
Pilgrimage: The Hanging Gardens is the full title. I have had many different versions of a logline for this work and need some outside thinking. Here is an older version and background.
LOGLINE: A deal goes right, for once, for a guy setting into motion a series of events which lead to a new home for humanity. Only a couple of things stand in the way: a mercenary whose employers would prefer humankind die off, and a mythical world lost millennia ago, The Hanging Gardens of the Emperor.
ALEC is an adventurer and entrepreneur. DANCER, the centaur based android, accompanies his partner Alec to the far corners of known space. Alec is searching for the clues that will lead to a lost colony and, with luck, a new home for what?s left of humankind. ELEKTRA, the surviving member of a Special Forces unit, bides her time as an entertainer looking for the descendants of humans who condemned her world to certain death. The Koty are a war-like race of creatures that consider humans a dead race. The sooner humans die off the better. They have a human mercenary working hard, willing to do anything, to beat Alec to the pieces making up the inscription.
Oh man … fantasy is so hard to convey in 26 words!
You sound like you’ve got quite an original world created for this story to take place in, but there are just SO many ideas happening here that it’s impossible for me to know whether it’s something I’d be interested in seeing, much less investing in.
What is an instructional designer? Is that character a ghost as well? (Being that he’s in a fortified museum within the ghost world). As DPG says … why does this character need to find the Lost Wonder? What is it? (Lost Wonder of the Universe takes a lot of words … “hidden city”, for instance, cuts your word count).
Good luck.
An instructional designer is someone who designs training in the private sector or a program at an university. This was written for a screenplay and almost sold, then converted into a graphic novel script and have sample pages, and now a novel. First of a series of eleven, one for each of the Lost Wonders of the Universe. I had 35 year veteran of the WGA help me during the development of this project.She described it like this, imagine Indiana Jones in Space.
Earth and its population are dead, the only survivors of humanity were those off planet. Alec and Dancer search for a place the last vestiges of humanity can call home. Hunted down like animals humanity needs a safe and secret place. What better than a lost wonder that has become legendary because its location is forgotten millennial ago.
The museum is just the first clue to the much bigger prize of the Lost Wonder our hero Alec and his buddy Dancer eventually find. It is a progressively daring and eventful story culminating in the discovery of one of the galaxy’s largest and wondrous objects the Hanging Gardens of the Emperor. This hidden place.
I have been plotting this out as a game for the PS4 like Uncharted. Any ideas how I can reduce the universe (galaxy) into a logline?