Elevator pitch (real time ultra-short)
Rutger OosterhoffLogliner
?After a car accident leaves him in a coma, a lazy Amish logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer. He now has six floors to pitch and sell an idea to save his physical body and awake.?
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I’m assuming the logline writer is the main character, what must he do to gain redemption?
And if he’s dead, what does he care?
I’m assuming the logline writer is the main character, what must he do to gain redemption?
And if he’s dead, what does he care?
… Of course, the Devil (or someone else from Hell) is almost always the antagonist, so the other person must be the protagonist. But an antag who needs a lot of character grows.
One of the seven sins is to be lazy. So Lucius, You have just proven that you are an atheist like me; God fearing people who believe in Heaven and Hell DO care. About 90 procent of all Americans see us as infidels.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_atheism
But if more people think the protagonist should be alive, I gett rid of the first two words in the logline. The only problem now is that an elivator ride to Hel or Heaven does not make sence now. If you break a contract with the devil on earth, you stay on earth, suffering eternal Hell there.
“What must he do to gain redemption” While you posted this question, I was writing the answer: pitch to gain redemption
… Of course, the Devil (or someone else from Hell) is almost always the antagonist, so the other person must be the protagonist. But an antag who needs a lot of character grows.
One of the seven sins is to be lazy. So Lucius, You have just proven that you are an atheist like me; God fearing people who believe in Heaven and Hell DO care. About 90 procent of all Americans see us as infidels.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_atheism
But if more people think the protagonist should be alive, I gett rid of the first two words in the logline. The only problem now is that an elivator ride to Hel or Heaven does not make sence now. If you break a contract with the devil on earth, you stay on earth, suffering eternal Hell there.
“What must he do to gain redemption” While you posted this question, I was writing the answer: pitch to gain redemption
I’m not sure about the accuracy of the cultural and theological details and how big a part they would play on selling an idea but regarding the logline on a structural level the inciting incident is weak.
A good inciting incident should change the world of the MC dramatically enough to motivate him or her to take drastic enough (therefore interesting) action to fix things. “…finds himself…” is not a significant enough an action and is not done to the MC rather done by himself.
Also if you are taking a religious angle with the sensibilities of the MC use that to accentuate the gravity of the inciting incident.
How about making the MC a devout christian, Mormon or Amish facing the devil? For them this would be a bigger deal than for others.
e.g:
After an aspiring Amish writer is abducted by the devil he has one elevator ride to pitch and sell and idea to avoid eternal damnation.
May work as a short film but not sure about it as a feature though.
Hope this helps.
I’m not sure about the accuracy of the cultural and theological details and how big a part they would play on selling an idea but regarding the logline on a structural level the inciting incident is weak.
A good inciting incident should change the world of the MC dramatically enough to motivate him or her to take drastic enough (therefore interesting) action to fix things. “…finds himself…” is not a significant enough an action and is not done to the MC rather done by himself.
Also if you are taking a religious angle with the sensibilities of the MC use that to accentuate the gravity of the inciting incident.
How about making the MC a devout christian, Mormon or Amish facing the devil? For them this would be a bigger deal than for others.
e.g:
After an aspiring Amish writer is abducted by the devil he has one elevator ride to pitch and sell and idea to avoid eternal damnation.
May work as a short film but not sure about it as a feature though.
Hope this helps.
I think it is best in a logine to have the lead character doing something. How about this.
“After a car accident leaves him in a coma, a lazy logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer, He now has six floors to pitch the perfect logline if he’s to save his physical body and awake.”
I think it is best in a logine to have the lead character doing something. How about this.
“After a car accident leaves him in a coma, a lazy logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer, He now has six floors to pitch the perfect logline if he’s to save his physical body and awake.”
Thanks guys, I like both your comments, and loglines. But I can’t see the Devil abduct someone. In movies normally the Devil lets his/her/its victims screw themselves, while making a deal. I also wanted to make the writer lazy because this is one of the seven deadly sins (in writing) in. But I can imagine most people do not know this and/or it’s not relevant enough. I like the Devil -versus- devoted God loving man.
I’m wondering, could he be “a lazy Amish logline writer”. A soul eating contradictio in terminis.
“May work as a short film but not sure about it as a feature though.” I agree, that is why I called it an real time ultra- short. The movie (if ever made-haha) will be no more than a 45 seconds; the ride from touching the ‘go’ button (audience sees time ticking away). The total time should be about 25 seconds until the elevator would come to a halt. But it never will…
At the beginning of the story we see a night nurse with red eyes) laying her hand on the comatose patient saying: already having your seizures again, and again and again” cut to him finding himself in the elevator. When he does not come up with a good enough pitch/or he does, the Devil screws him anyway. at the end of the story the elevator will go down very fast. A SMASH CUT to the hospital room again.. completing the loop. And yes, I like the frase “eternal damnation” and that precisely what he gets.
The catch here is that the car crash is the start of his eternal elevator pitching, causal loop.
With ‘Amish’ added:
After a car crash leaves him in a coma, a lazy Amish logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer. He now has six floors to pitch the perfect logline if he?s to save his physical body and awake.?
HOW TO MAKE IT SHORTER and at the word ‘offer’?
After a car crash leaves him in a coma, a lazy Amish logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer, who offers him six floors to pitch the perfect logline if he?s to save his physical body and awake.?
Is it not all about the ‘Devil’s offer’. The writer being ‘Dead or alive in the logline’ does not matter if he must respond to the Devil’s offer. Him ‘NOT’ responding to the Devils offer, he’s ‘inactive’, but by luck can get out of his predicament. By being active, accepting the Devil’s offer – in my story – he will ‘actively choose’ his own fate; fire and brimstone.
Thanks guys, I like both your comments, and loglines. But I can’t see the Devil abduct someone. In movies normally the Devil lets his/her/its victims screw themselves, while making a deal. I also wanted to make the writer lazy because this is one of the seven deadly sins (in writing) in. But I can imagine most people do not know this and/or it’s not relevant enough. I like the Devil -versus- devoted God loving man.
I’m wondering, could he be “a lazy Amish logline writer”. A soul eating contradictio in terminis.
“May work as a short film but not sure about it as a feature though.” I agree, that is why I called it an real time ultra- short. The movie (if ever made-haha) will be no more than a 45 seconds; the ride from touching the ‘go’ button (audience sees time ticking away). The total time should be about 25 seconds until the elevator would come to a halt. But it never will…
At the beginning of the story we see a night nurse with red eyes) laying her hand on the comatose patient saying: already having your seizures again, and again and again” cut to him finding himself in the elevator. When he does not come up with a good enough pitch/or he does, the Devil screws him anyway. at the end of the story the elevator will go down very fast. A SMASH CUT to the hospital room again.. completing the loop. And yes, I like the frase “eternal damnation” and that precisely what he gets.
The catch here is that the car crash is the start of his eternal elevator pitching, causal loop.
With ‘Amish’ added:
After a car crash leaves him in a coma, a lazy Amish logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer. He now has six floors to pitch the perfect logline if he?s to save his physical body and awake.?
HOW TO MAKE IT SHORTER and at the word ‘offer’?
After a car crash leaves him in a coma, a lazy Amish logline writer finds himself trapped in an elevator with Hell?s best producer, who offers him six floors to pitch the perfect logline if he?s to save his physical body and awake.?
Is it not all about the ‘Devil’s offer’. The writer being ‘Dead or alive in the logline’ does not matter if he must respond to the Devil’s offer. Him ‘NOT’ responding to the Devils offer, he’s ‘inactive’, but by luck can get out of his predicament. By being active, accepting the Devil’s offer – in my story – he will ‘actively choose’ his own fate; fire and brimstone.