After deciding they are together for the long haul, recent college graduates and lovers, Wyatt and Emma, have their relationship tested as they move across the country for a job that doesn’t actually exist.
clloyd8Penpusher
After deciding they are together for the long haul, recent college graduates and lovers, Wyatt and Emma, have their relationship tested as they move across the country for a job that doesn’t actually exist.
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This doesn’t have any flow. You break it up too much when the goal of a logline should basically be to clearly and concisely tell your story in about 20-30 words. The advice above is great and I don’t really have anything to add but I hope this helps.
Good notes from Richiev and DPG.
In addition, be more specific – does “?long haul?” ?mean married or defacto status? If so say it.
More importantly what makes them start their journey together? Is it the job offer? If so why is this so significant to them??People get job offers all the time, how was this out of the ordinary and in what way did it shift the fine tune balance of their lives?
Lastly the most important element a logline needs is a goal, what is their goal? To save their relationship? To get jobs? To move? This needs to be made clear in the logline.
What Richiev said. And characters need not be named in fictional stories. ?More important is their defining characteristic (strength or weakness).
And what’s the source of dramatic tension that tests their relationship? ?Because one character is reluctantly sacrificing a job opportunity or preferred living location for the sake of the other? ?Whatever, it needs to be indicated.
Since a couple wouldn’t move across the country for a job that doesn’t exist, it seems likely they do not know the job doesn’t exist.
That means the job not existing would probably be a big reveal, like Wally World being closed. If that’s the case, I would leave it out of the logline.
I would leave any big reveal or third act surprise out of the logline.