After falling in love a doctor while recovering in a hospital a woman find out she’s in coma. Now she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?
LuceLogliner
After falling in love a doctor while recovering in a hospital a woman find out she’s in coma. Now she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?
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This is going to come out of left field:
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“After her mother falls into a coma,? a?shattered daughter must use an experimental?treatment to enter her mom’s brain to convince her to?give up the fantasy world she has created and return to the real world .”
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I added a daughter because you have created a situation. The situation is, a woman is in a coma and can’t decide whether to live in the fantasy she has created or come back to the real world. I have placed a lead character with a strong goal into that situation; A daughter who must convince her mother to give up the fantasy and return to the real world or else be lost forever.
However, this is so different from what is in your logline I understand you may not want to go this direction.
There is some ambiguity in this logline. When you say “will she stay” do you mean stay in the coma or stay with the Doctor she has fallen in love with? We need to understand enough about her current life to understand why this choice may be difficult for her. Is she actually happily married with children but she has secretly been hiding her attraction to women ? (I’m basing this on your previous loglne although I admit this might have changed since then… you don’t specify a gender in this version) This is then a story about her being true to herself – something easily relatable.
I think the idea of searching through her memories to effectively find out who she is and determine her course of action is a good one. Quite similar to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind though… just something to be aware of.
Her goal is to make a decision. This is not a visual goal as all the action happens inside the character’s head. I get that much of the action will be happening inside the character’s head anyway but visually she needs to be doing something interesting for the audience. Can you think of a way to make the two options tangible, visual goals. Perhaps she’s on a quest in her mind to find a magical McGuffin which allows her to travel back but on the journey things happen that make her question whether she even wants to return or stay?
I am not sure I understand the whole logline. Let me check:
The first sentence has bad syntax. Do you mean:
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What do you mean “she finds out she is in a coma?” Do you mean she is in a coma but she has consciousness? And she can make choices?
And is the dilemma whether she will wake up or stay in a coma, so that she stay close to her doctor?
OK, let’s assume this is the case.
Why is this a dilemma? Why not wake up (since it’s up to her) and then meet the doctor in person and tell him that she loves him? Even if “she has a life” that she has to go back to, why is this a problem?Even if she is married. Movies are about people making courageous decisions. The most courageous decision would be to wake up and deal with whomever she is in love with. “Staying in the coma” is a coward’s, an escapist’s decision. I don’t see why it would satisfy any audience.
Now, in terms of the 3 essential elements of the logline’s structure:
Event: “After falling in love with a doctor, while recovering in a hospital… in a coma…”
Character: “…a woman…”
Action: … she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?”
After mentioning that the Character bit is a little vague, it being simply “a woman,” with no other information on her personality, I must say that the thinest part of all is the Action. A decision cannot be the action that drives the Second Act. A decision takes only a moment. It may take ages to decide, but that’s still not an action. That’s hesitation.
So she decides. Or, it takes her time to decide. Or she keeps changing her mind. But what happens while she struggles with her decision?What do we see on the screen? Also, whatever happens, does it happen to her? Is she completely passive?