Logliner
Posted: 2016-11-25T09:35:55+10:00 In:

After famous NASCAR racer dies, his son, an up-and-coming auto racer falls into alcoholism. With sponsors pulling their support and his money dwindling, friends and family try to help the son overcome his depression in time for his next race.

After famous NASCAR racer dies, his son, an up-and-coming auto racer falls into alcoholism. With sponsors pulling their support and his money dwindling, friends and family try to help the son overcome his depression in time for his next race.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Agreed with the points above.
      The son is supposed to be a protagonist but his friend and families are the ones who are active. What does he want? What is his objective goal? Once you have identified these, the friends and family would not need to be part of the logline anymore. Son has to have agency.

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with Richiev.

      Also, which is the inciting incident, the father’s death or him becoming an alcoholic?

      I would endeavor to say it’s the father’s death, the subsequent alcoholism is a resulting character flaw so best to describe it as such, for example: After his father, a NASCAR champion, dies suddenly, an alcoholic up and coming driver must…

      Then, as Richiev noted, give him a clear goal to pursue, but be sure it is causally connected to the inciting incident.

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    3. Singularity

      A lead character is pro-active. They have a goal, and something in the way of that goal.

      The way you have written your logline, the lead character seems passive, things happen to the lead character but the lead, doesn’t seem to do anything.

      I would re-write this logline in the contest of what the lead character wants, what is the leads goal after his father dies?

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