GOODBYE, FELIX CHESTER
After finding out he has a month left to live, high school junior Felix Chester focuses all of his time and energy on one goal: losing his virginity to his dream girl.
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Strange writing.
The beginning sounds like a deep drama and the end like a silly comedy
Yep.
He’s dieing… but he’s got enough libido left to obsess with getting laid? (I’ll have a double of dose of whatever he’s taking.)
He is a junior… 😉
The kid has certainly got his priorities straight (go out with a bonk, not a whimper).
Actually, with a nip and tuck of the premise, the story could be interesting and comical. (I’m assuming it’s a coming of age comedy.)
Okay, let me proffer a constructive suggestion.
The logline does have one tried-and-true plot gimmick: ye’ ol’ ticking clock, one month. But I don’t think the kid has to be at death’s door literally to get properly motivated to lose his virginity to his dream girl.
I am want to diss a logline for failing to have sufficient stakes or none at all, but in this instance I think the stakes (one month to live) is [pun intended] overkill.
I think it would be a sufficient causal trigger that the family is moving away in a month (dad got his dream promotion or whatever), far a-w-a-y. From the boy’s perspective, the move is a a death sentence in terms of his relationship with his dream girl; this is his last chance; it’s now or never.
I don’t know… What if he BELIEVES he’s dying, but actually isn’t…? Like if a clinic gives him the wrong test results..? It’s got some comic scope, maybe a tad silly… But I’ve certainly seen worse…
Jean does raise a good point in regards to the log line — I see teen comedy straight off the bat, but it might elude some.
That occurred to me. The errant diagnosis trope.
Errant or accurate, if that’s the setup, then another story line has to be how the rest of his family reacts.
For sure… But it’s got potential, more than what I thought at first glance.
I wonder why this post is more successful than the next up.
Is it because “Virginity loss” and “dreamgirl” are most appealling than “pregnant girlfriend” and “sociopathic little girl”?
May I reveal that the second is the sequel of the first?
Jean-Marie
Well-observed. The logline is sexist, classic male chauvinism. The girl is portrayed as nothing but a fantasy sex symbol. (One would like to assume the character arc is that the kid comes to see her as a real person, but that’s nowhere suggested in the logline.)
Ok guys,
And what about we need to rewrite it now?
How about punting it back to the author? It’s not our logline, not our problem.
Please excuse the confusion between “wonder” and “wander”.
And FEEL GUILTY but DON’T WORRY: It was just a joke 😉
NB: In french “Jean” and all the compoud forms are man’s first firstnames (Jean = John).
So i’m not a women’s lib militant but a 58 years old man. 😉
Hi dpg,
Because it was posted the judges, and I think that what they expect of us is a constructive and formal critic.
dpg makes some good points in his 6-4-13 post. Doing my own analysis, from the top:
There’s something really banal about Felix’s goal, even for a broad comedy. Not to mention how overdone the arc of a teen boy wanting to lose his virginity is. None the less, I am not blind to the strong universality of the boy’s angst even if he did not have any terminal deadline (pun intended).
The real trick in a proposed story like this is to intrigue the reader with – at a minimum – a different twist on the the trite old tale of boy wanting to ‘lose it’. Theoretically, the impending death could have done it. But, in this specific logline, the threat of death only creates the impression that the protagonist is plain desperate and crass.
To elevate the reader’s impression of the central character (and therefore create more interest/empathy in him), the logline should suggest a more romantic (or even tragic) side to this young man. For example, that the girl and he have been best mates since the were six. Or that the girl is the daughter of the mortal enemy of the boy’s father. Or that one or both of them are true-believing fundamentalists. Or even that when they were twelve they swore to ‘wait’ until their high school graduation.
If the logline could suggest that the boy has more than just straight lust in his mind, then the reader could begin to see that this is not just another teen-type flick. If years-long love on the part of the boy was implied, even better.
But, as this logline stands, it does not impress. Does not intrigue. Does not strikingly stand apart from coming-of-age films in the past.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)
How about something like this?
——
“When a shy high school virgin learns he has terminal cancer, it gives him the courage to go after the girl of his dreams”
——-
Alternate possible titles:
:::Terminally Virgin—Or—Felix Chester comes and goes:::
—–
I could see this as a movie where, because the lead is going to die, it gives him the courage to stand up to those who bullied him as well as say and do things he would never have done if not for dying…. but I wouldn’t add that to the logline.
Hi fellows,
This logline sounds fine.
I agree with Richiev about this story. I think that the hero’s goal remains still basic. I would like this experience leads him to something higher.
Or/and it may introduce the girl as a second hero whose goal will be helping him to goes (but maybe this smells a little too much as “Love Story”?).
Could this be a good idea for a dual heros story?
Hi fellows,
Richiev’s is quite a better logline.
But I agree with him and Steven Fernandez: it emphasizes how this story is thin.
I would like this experience leads the hero to something higher, and/or it introduces the girl as a second hero who joins him in this higher quest then helps him to go.
Could it be a good story with dual heros?
I agree with some others, just one month to live yet still the energy/life left in him to get laid? What exactly is he dying of? Maybe he has one month before his illness kicks in and body starts shutting down… An interesting concept that could be funny, serious (50/50 territory maybe, but with the teenage bildungsroman aspect) and heart-warmingly sentimental towards the end (try not to make it overly sentimental, which might be a challenge).
I see the potential, but yes, currently comes off as a bit “silly” as mentioned by others.