After his divorce, a middle aged man needs a new lease of life. He achieves it by moving to a foreign country and changing his career.
NaiBKKLogliner
After his divorce, a middle aged man needs a new lease of life. He achieves it by moving to a foreign country and changing his career.
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The logline needs to be more specific. ? What is the foreign country? ?And what is his old career? ?What is his new one? ??What is there about this particular man and the particular country and the particular career that when someone reads the logline they can immediately see that it has the makings for lots of comedy? ?
And if he achieves a new lease on life by changing countries and careers, then what is the dramatic problem? ?It would be better if the logline were framed in such a manner that his ?search for a new lease of life is an open question. ?Maybe he gets a new lease, maybe he doesn’t. ? A logline should never give away the ending.
fwiw
Everything dpg said is ace advice, I’d add that for the logline to flow much better I strongly suggest combining the two sentences with a connective and making it an easier read all around. Hope this helps.
Agreed with the above.
Also his sea change needs an obstacle, once you’ve established the need to change places and careers make him encounter a reason to struggle for it.
Thank you for all your advice. ?This is the first logline ?I’ve ever written so I’ll rewrite it and make it more specific. My initial concern about mentioning things like the country and previous career was going over the 25 word limit, which, from what I’ve read seems important.
I have to agree with dpg on this one. What country does you lead move to? For an example; in the movie ‘Under a Tuscan Sun” A middle aged woman moves to Tuscany to begin again… The country she moves to in many ways becomes the ‘hook’ of the story.
While your country may not be the hook of your story, it will still give the readers a strong visualization of the setting just by giving us the name of the country.