Penpusher
Posted: 2020-02-19T08:03:11+10:00 In:

After his ex girlfriend had an unexpected pregnancy, a college student must develop a relationship with a porn actress to go on a road trip with him be their for the birth of his daughter.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Why? I don’t understand why a college student would enlist the help of a porn actress to help him be there for the birth of his child. From this logline, there isn’t even anything getting in the way of him being there.

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      Even if the story is not 100 logical, the logline needs to seem reasonable. This one feels a little bizarre, and there’s nothing/nobody really for us to care for. As Mike said, there is no obstacle in the first place.

      Also please note that no screenwriting documents (logline, synopsis, treatment) allow for verbs in the past tense. This is a pretty big no-no.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      You are missing a key ingredient that would make this logline far more compelling and would be a natural part of the storyline:

      -A ticking clock-

      He has “One Weekend” or “he has Five days” Give us a specific ticking clock.

      The doctors are going to induce labor on Monday, and it’s Thursday when someone calls to tell him the news.

      The lead has no car, very little money, and has to get across country by Monday night.

      The only person that can help him is a Porn actress who happens to be going across the country as well.

      Now you have an exciting situation to develop in your logline.

      If you watch “Overnight Delivery”, with Paul Rudd and Reese Whitherspoon, Or “The Sure Thing” you will see that stories in which opposites go on the road together make for very fertile story soil.

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      “When he discovers his girlfriend from high school is about to give birth to his child in five days, an uptight college student’s only hope of getting there in time is to hitch a ride with flamboyant (Transgender) Stripper who happens to be going his way.”

      (I put Transgender in parenthesis because I am thinking who would be the opposite of an uptight college student, but if you don’t like it leave it out.)

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