After his family is almost killed in a car bombing, Pablo Escobar wages a war with a rival cartel and his own government in an effort to protect his family.

Sounds like a Latino version of “The Godfather”. And I doubt this concept will measure anywhere close to Francis Ford Coppola’s effort.

Firstly – and very importantly – is Escobar really a person the general audience can care about? Does he clearly have any believable redeeming qualities? I don’t think so (not even with the ‘protecting his family’ motivation). And, for this reason, a quick reader could be forgiven for dismissing this as a pure shooting and explosions film. While there is certainly a market for such films, I’m going to make a suggestion on the basis that the writer wanted to hint at a deeper tale than that:

Don’t mention the Escobar name (with all of its publicity baggage) until the very end of the logline. Almost as an afterthought. That way the logline can begin to build and entice empathy for the character. For example: “After a car bombing almost kills his family, a man is driven to bring down a ruthless drug cartel and a corrupt government. Banding together hired guns, he begins his war against these mighty forces. Escobar is his name.”

This way there is the suggestion that there is more to this story than just bangs and booms.

To be fair, however, the one thing that the logline does NOT lack is dramatic potential. It’s clear that the stakes and the action are both going to be huge in this.

Steven Fernandez (Judge)

After his family survive a car bomb attack, Pablo Escobar, the notorious drug baron, declares war on the Colombian government.

Added a bit of irony – an individual declaring war on a government.