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Alan H. JordanPenpusher
Posted: June 28, 20222022-06-28T01:22:35+10:00 2022-06-28T01:22:35+10:00In: Family

After his father’s passing, a boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.

Starting Over

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2022-06-29T07:31:43+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2022 at 7:31 am

      “Bring the sparkle back,” is a bit vague. Is there something specific he plans to try in order to accomplish his goal?

      Does he join a dance ballroom dancing class?
      Does he ask the girl he likes out?
      Does he make a list of everything he has ever wanted to do?

      For instance, in City Slickers the lead character has ‘lost his smile’ and in order to get it back he goes to a ranch and lives out his childhood dream of being a cowboy.

      Just curious if there was a specific thing the lead character changes in his life to bring back the sparkle.

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      • Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
        2022-06-30T05:16:39+10:00Replied to answer on June 30, 2022 at 5:16 am

        Thanks for hanging in there with me Richiev. For this story, and the last one.

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      • Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
        2022-06-30T05:15:14+10:00Replied to answer on June 30, 2022 at 5:15 am

        I am having trouble with this. My best shot so far is “A grieving boy must find a way to use a soccer ball to experience joy.” But that feels flat to me. Here’s what happens.

        LIAM’S grandfather (WALTER) is dying in a home hospice setting. Grandfather calls him over and whispers, “Look for the sunrise. Keep the joy in your life.” Boy moves away. Others say their goodbyes. Grandfather dies.

        At a wake/shiva Liam and his grandmother at looking at a black/white photo of Walter as an 8-year old along with a teammate and a soccer ball. The picture is folded over, but we see most of a caption which reads, “Walter & B.O.B.”) We also see enough other photographs to understand that Walter was an esteemed professional soccer player.

        Liam grieves realizing he’ll never see his grandfather again. [The world feels to the boy like it is the color of goose poop.]

        Liam plays with the orange soccer ball. And feels somewhat better. He talks to the ball, treats it like a friend.

        Liam builds a relationship with the ball. There are sound effects that mimic what the ball would say if it were alive.

        Midpoint: Mom, Dad, Do you think I could join a soccer team. Parents say yes.

        Liam joins the Warriors. . Practice / practice / practice — each practice building his skills and confidence.

        Extreme (Dark night of the soul) sadness. His grandfather will never know that he now plays soccer.

        At home he wakes up just before dawn, picks up the orange soccer ball and notices that it is the color of a sunrise. Liam goes to play an important game, and helps the team win. Liam’s proud.

        Liam’s grandmother comes up to Liam’s room and give him the b/w photo. “I thought you’d want this picture of your grandfather and Bob.”
        “Is that the other guy’s name.”
        “Oh no, I just say ‘Bob,’ Your grandfather used to this this his “Bright Orange Ball.” He always said it reminded him of the joy of a sunrise. It started him on his way to becoming a professional player. She unfolds the picture, the full caption is “Walter, B.O.B. and Jerry.”

        Liam and grandmother look at a scrapbook. “You’re going to be better than your grandfather, I can feel it.” Oh, and I have another special gift for you.

        Grandmom give Liam a color photo of him kicking B.O.B. Together they place the photo of Liam and the photo of Walter, both with the same ball, on Liam’s dresser.

        #

        Alone and grieving he goes into his grandfather’s room. An orange soccer ball bounces out of a closet. The boy kicks it. Offstage a voice tells him not to make noise, to go outside if he wants to play. He does.

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        • Richiev Singularity
          2022-06-30T18:18:40+10:00Replied to answer on June 30, 2022 at 6:18 pm

          I like the soccer/football angle. (Including the ball) I think that is the meat of the story and in some way should be reflected in your logline… very interesting.

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    2. NisVinten Logliner
      2022-06-30T09:10:12+10:00Added an answer on June 30, 2022 at 9:10 am

      Why is it important to him to play soccer?
      What does the ball represent?
      And what is at stake (if he doesn’t…. then….).

      how about:

      When a grieving soccer player starts talking to the ball he received from his dying grandpa, he discovers the only way he can win the final and overcome his grief.

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      • Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
        2022-07-01T01:51:28+10:00Replied to answer on July 1, 2022 at 1:51 am

        Hi NisVinten. Thanks for taking the time to respond. Here are the answers to your questions:

        1. Why is it important to Liam to play soccer?
        Liam discovers that playing soccer brings keeps him occupied, brings him joy and it is also a way to honor his grandfather’s memory. When he’s playing soccer he has no time to wallow in grief.

        2. What does the ball represent?
        The ball is a mystical connection with this grandfather’s spirit. It popped out of his grandfather’s closet after his grandfather died. It feels to Liam that his grandfather’s spirit helped him discover the ball. When Liam speaks to the ball, it’s almost as if he’s having a conversation with his grandfather.

        3. And what is at stake (if he doesn’t…. then….).
        a. If he doesn’t play soccer, he does not have an easy escape from the grief that he feels for his grandfather’s death.
        b. Liam forfeits an implied future career as an esteemed pro soccer player.
        c. Liam never feels that he is continuing his grandfather’s legacy as a soccer player. (Liam’s father has a different career.)

        The point of the story is that sometimes loving spirits come into our lives that guide us in making the best life decisions. I want to imply that the bright orange soccer ball was sent by Liam’s grandfather’s loving spirit.)

        Here’s why this logline doesn’t work for me:

        When a grieving soccer player starts talking to the ball he received from his dying grandpa, he discovers the only way he can win the final and overcome his grief.

        1. The boy is not a soccer player at all until the ball bounces down, finds him, and the boy starts conversing with the ball. It is then that he discovers the joy of soccer–which is something which will delight his grandfather’s spirit.

        2. Liam doesn’t receive the ball directly from his grandfather.

        3. Winning the game is not the point–rather it is developing a passion that feels as though his grandfather’s spirit is living within him. Liam is living up to his grandfather’s dying message to him, ““Look for the sunrise. Find the joy in your life.” The sunrise is represented by the orange color of the ball and he is filled with joy as he learns to play soccer. The joy displaces his grief.”

        I tried this, but it still doesn’t feel right:
        When a boy starts talking to a soccer ball that belonged to his deceased grandfather he must honor his grandfather’s legacy by becoming the best soccer player he can, or wallow in grief.

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    3. BenGilani Logliner
      2022-06-28T15:36:27+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2022 at 3:36 pm

      Maybe something like this?

      A grieving boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.

      I hope this helps.

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      • BenGilani Logliner
        2022-06-28T15:48:07+10:00Replied to answer on June 28, 2022 at 3:48 pm

        I meant to write:

        A grieving boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life after losing his father.

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        • Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
          2022-06-30T05:17:56+10:00Replied to answer on June 30, 2022 at 5:17 am

          Thanks Ben. I made a few changes to the story. Please see my response to Richiev, above.

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    4. Alan H. Jordan Penpusher
      2022-07-04T01:41:28+10:00Added an answer on July 4, 2022 at 1:41 am

      Since the bright orange ball is a character, I wonder if this approach makes sense:

      After one of the best soccer players in the world passes over a mystical bright-orange soccer ball must convince the player’s grandson to take up soccer.

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