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Tony ByrdPenpusher
After killing the son of a biker, a fugitive decides to go the run with his estranged daughter.
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What is the lead character’s goal?
What sets that goal into motion?
Hello, is it really his goal to kill the biker’s son?? Then, I recommend changing the logline. With the logline the way it is now, it seems like this happened before he goes on the run with his daughter, which is like the second act or even starting point of the story.
Besides, you said he is a fugitive. Before clicking on the logline and reading that it was his goal,? I thought that “killing the son of a biker” was the reason he became a fugitive.? Hence, the “after he is forced to kill the son of a biker” seems like too much information. You already said he is a “fugitive”, hence I don’t think it is necessary to include his crime.
What should the logline be like?