Logliner
Posted: 2020-02-11T02:06:53+10:00 In:

After losing her pilot training scholarship, a dorky girl joins forces with a group of air hostesses to help them smuggle blood diamonds from Sierra Leone.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Set in the 2000’s, during the Sierra Leone civil war. The girl loses her scholarship funding because of the effect 9/11 has on the aviation industry. Her goal is to become a pilot. She becomes involved in smuggling diamonds to fund her expensive tuition. It is also a fish-out-of-the-water story because she is a dorky tomboy who joins forces with glamorous air hostesses.

      Title: Diamond in the Rough

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    2. Singularity

      The transition is a bit abrupt, Going from a dorky girl losing a scholarship, to smuggling blood diamonds. There is a pretty big jump. your explanation does help the reader understand what is going on but the logline needs a smoother transition.

      However, I do like the idea.

       

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    3. Singularity

      A story question. Does the Dorky girl fly the plane?

      I ask this because that would be really funny.

      She starts flight school, and loses her scholarship, Now she is back home and the smugglers learn she has some flight training so they convince her to fly their plane. But she only had part of her training so she is really bad. (Like she doesn’t really know how to land a plane)

      Anyway I like the concept

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    4. Uberwriter

      The story has little to do with her losing the scholarship. That could be a single line of dialogue.

       

      To fund her tuition to become a pilot a girl teams with a group of hostesses to smuggle diamonds but …. forcing them to …..

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