I’d love any kind of feedback, and also what kind of things you would expect from a premise of this nature. Thanks for all!
After losing his life-savings to a malpractice suit, a small town physician takes money from a crime syndicate in order to provide illegal care, unaware of how deeply he will be involved with the murderous gang.
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Most of my concerns have been raised by the guys above.
An additional problem: the goal feels open-ended to me. “Provide illegal care” sounds like it can go on forever…
Sounds like a potentially interesting story reminiscent of Breaking Bad in that an upstanding highly educated man is forced to deal with criminals. Holds the potential for great character contrasts and interesting comic situations such as in “Analyse This”.
But as the logline goes it needs economy in words and more potency of adjectives. Perhaps: A small town physician is forced to borrow money from the mob in turn for his services on hand at any time.
Not forgetting motivation and a goal not clear in the logline either. Maybe he wants to break the contract but the mob won’t allow it as far as they are concerned he is in for life.
Hope this helps.
Tim Lea is correct. What is the connection between the physician taking money and providing illegal care? Did he lose his license, is that why he has to practice illegally? Also, does he “take” (this makes me think he stole the money) or “borrow” money? There’s a difference.
Also, if he knowingly takes money from a crime syndicate, he’d have to be a little naive to not realize what he’s getting into – nothing good can happen from owing the mob. At least, not in the movies 😉 The last part – “unaware of how deeply he will be involved with the murderous gang” – is too vague. Can you be more specific about what the stakes are for the physician?
I’m guessing this is a gangster drama, with emphasis on the drama?
Hi there,
Just my instinctive observation and questions.
Whilst I think the logline overall has some interesting features I sense it needs to stronger to grab the attention more. For example :
Illegal care ? is this enough reason for him to take money from the Crime syndicate ? why does he need to provide illegal care ? are there examples of this ? is this fixing gunshot wounds etc which normally have to be reported to the police for example. Is it illegal because he has been struck-off because of the malpractice. I think the true reason behind his need to take the money needs to be stronger? to show the deeper conflict that undoubtedly will develop.
unawae of how deply he will beinvovled – how does he get involved with the murderous gang? Is there an example ? that presents the true conflict for the physician?
I sense the true dramtic conflict of the script has further to go within the logline.
Rgds