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After moving into a new apartment, a famous writer sets up various cameras to spy on his strange neighbour.
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I like this
Hi, its quite similar to films such as Rear Window and Disturbia. Keen to know how this film differentiates itself.
This idea is similar to Rear Window/Disturbia. Keen to know what differentiates your story. It might be worth including in the logline.
Its a found footage take on those movies and is included in the logline “… sets up various cameras…”.
>>Its a found footage
Like “The Blair Witch Project”?
Interesting. Interesting with the old footage inclusion as well, but, have to say, I didn’t get that from the logline itself. I’m sure you’ll sort that part in a minute.
On the logline though, the missing thing for me is the rationale and the stakes.
You think your neighbour is doing something weird, you call the cops? Or, you run downstairs, have a peek, confirm its a body, and then call the cops – if you’re a braver dude. So far, he has no personal interest I can see and is doing something weird instead of doing the usual, but for no particular reason yet?
Does he think he’s in line for the chute? Is there a reason not to call the cops? Does he call the cops all the time because he’s paranoid, and that’s why they do nothing?
“On moving into a new apartment, a perennially-paranoid writer is installing his security cameras when he thinks he’s captured a neighbour dumping bodies – but, unfortunately he’s cried wolf before and the only person paying attention now is the killer.”
It’s way long, and may not fit your scenario at all, but, I think it’s important that we see some rationale for not doing what everyone else would do, and some stakes.
Like “The Blair Witch Project”, “Paranormal Activity” and “Chronicle”.
Hi Tor,
I like this, and am a huge fan of ‘found footage’ films when done right.
I agree with NEGenge on a couple of points above — as in, it would be good if the logline suggested the ‘found footage’ angle more clearly (this would be tricky though without going down the line of “In 2013 ccv footage from a suburban apartment block…” etc etc etc…); also his points on the involvement of the cops makes for a fresh angle.
At the risk for sounding a bit harsh — it doesn’t jump off the page, so to speak, and I think that’s because it just lacks specifics of both the protags’ paranoia as well as the neighbor’s ‘strangeness’…. I think that if you stated WHY he sets up the camera’s in the first place it would give the logline more of an arc…
.
What about if he sets up the cameras for some other reason… like he suspects he’s dumping garbage in other peoples trash or something like that — but then sees him dumping bodies — it would lend itself to a stated inciting incident.
And does he have to be a writer? It’s something done so often it easily can be construed as cliche… What if he was a recently unemployed workaholic? It gives him a bit of a springboard to becoming so obsessed.
Regardless — it gets my imagination sparking, and it has the potential to have a ‘Hitchcock’ flavor; also reminds of ‘Arlington Rd’…
Best of luck with it.
Hi! Like the new version better than the old, but, I’m still missing a few things when I read it…
“Famous” doesn’t add anything here, it doesn’t explain why he’d want to tape his neighbour or why he’d set up cameras at all. In fact, it might argue against him having time or reason to do anything except *get out* of his apartment altogether. A “paranoid” writer, okay, that gives me a reason for him to do these things. A “scared” writer, a la Rushdie? “Bored?” “Nosy?” Those are reasons. Emotions tend to suggest a reason. As is, I have no idea why he’d do such a thing.
And, there’s still no element of risk/reward/consequences. What happens if he does see them do something criminal/weird? What happens if he’s caught filming them? I had a neighbour who freaked out because my three-year-old’s dishsoap bubbles floated out of our yard and into her’s, definitely strange, but, other than America’s Funniest, why would I put up cameras to record it? There’s no risk – at least I don’t think there was… hmmm. Okay, as far as I know, no risk. There was no reward. And no consequences to either of us.
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t see yet how “famous writer,” “strange neighbours,” and “putting up cameras” makes the story. I actually had a better sense of that from the previous one. 🙂 Corpses do generally imply some sort of consequence and risk. 🙂
I think you’ve got a really great story in there somewhere. I’ll keep watching to see where it goes next!
Yeah Tor, I like it ….Sounds like Rear Window crossed with Whitehouse Down and a little bit of Terminator 2 …………….AS
What if your writer has writers block and sets up cameras to capture ‘life’ for inspiration and in doing so accidentally sees something odd…which prompts him to rig his cameras up specifically towards the neighbor?
I think a struggling writer would make for a better character in this instance. Someone who has failed at life is less likely to get the attention and command the respect of others to believe in his paranoid thoughts than someone who is well regarded in the community
Heysa everyone,
Thanks for the feedback it has been really helpful. 😀