After mythology’s most vicious monsters and history’s most heinous criminals escape from hell, a neurotic college-sophomore finds herself imbued with the power to send these evildoers back from whence they came.

Hi JBalmer,

I like your premise – this kind of thing is right up my street, definitely something I’d watch as a TV show or a film. ?My initial thoughts are:

• I feel like you have 2 inciting incidents? ?1) the evildoers escaping, 2) the sophomore being imbues with power…
• Did anyone else come out of hell? ?What about the lesser evildoers? ? I think you’re using a lot of word count when you could lump the monsters and criminals together with one description.
• Feels a bit like a neurotic Buffy? ?What makes this so different – is it a ‘Willow’ spin-off?
• It reads as though you’ve summed up what happens – the sophomore has the power to send them back… so where are the stakes?
• ‘Finds herself imbued with the power’ – this is very vague… is she a chosen one?
• ‘College-sophomore’… this means nothing to me in the UK – are there different types of sophomore or can you drop the college tag?
• Consider rephrasing it focussing on one inciting incident and outlining or implying what’s at stake…
• A rough shot… A neurotic sophomore must fulfil her destiny to save the world when hell unleashes its most heinous monsters to overthrow humanity.

Regards
Trix