GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM
After nine years, a NASA communications expert reconnects with the astronaut she believed to be dead and helps rescue him from space.
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Suggest adding a ticking clock to heighten urgency. Such as he’s running out of whatever resources he had to survive; the space module is failing, yada-yada.
Also, though the logline casts the communication expert as the protagonist, the astronaut’s struggle seems to be the more interesting and compelling aspect of the story. Wouldn’t the resourcefulness, perseverance, courage and struggle to survive in outer space be infinitely greater than whatever it takes on earth to bring him back?
dpg makes sound points here. My own analysis, from scratch, is:
Firstly, there is a big plausibility problem here. Even if the spaceship has 24th century technology, being lost in space for nine years is a sure way to kill off the astronaut. Theoretically, a hydroponics system could barely manage to provide life support for that period of time. Cryogenics would be better, though this has been an oft-used device for the past 30 years.
If the scenario is more like the astronaut has come out of some time/space warp, this point should be mentioneed or implied in the logline (if only to help suspend the reader’s disbelief). MInd you, even this has been done several times before.
Additionally, there is something weak about only a communications officer helping out the lost astronaut. (What might work for Halle Berry/”The Call” is not going to work here.) But this is an easy fix: Just introduce some engineer character as well (perhaps retired).
Fundamentally, the story articulated by this logline comes across, at best, as cliched. But, given the problems with this story even at premise level, most readers would be inclined to conclude that this story is like Swiss cheese – full of holes. Whatever merits the script may have, this logline fails to suggest or hint at any of them.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)
It might be more fun if instead of focussing on rescuing him, start with his return to Earth. You could cut nine years down to a few months (which would still raise interest/questions), have him return in human form but harbouring an Alien force and then have him set about killing everyone until stopped. I’ve given no thought here as to the ‘why’…still not overly original but you could create a kick ass bad guy
There is no real challenge for a commnications specialist to reconnect with a astronaut.Perhaps if he had a noticable and genuine weakness we might be drawn to the protagonist and the rescue from space is just to plain plain……Is this a classic.anyway.I think you could make it a lot cooler and maybe create something original instead of reviewing predictable movie….conepts, stakes, time restrictions, weaknesses, and originality.Just a thought and a bit of a insight…….Night…..Alex P Smith
When a abstruse astronaut is diagnosed with brain damage from a leaking thruster, his spaceship is catapulted in to the cosmos where he discovers his fuel will run out in 100 hours, now he must circum navigate fate and return home.