DNA
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
After offering a kidney to her sister they discover they were both adopted. They go on a search for family and a kidney based only on their Mum’s old diary.PS Adoptive parents are dead, can’t see how to fit that in.
Share
Switch it. A dead Kidney donor is found to be an exact match for her recipient, meaning they were twins. The recipient must go on a detective hunt to find out how and why they were separated, and the search leads her across continents and through some of the twentieth century’s most tragic history.
This is an anti climax she fights for her life for the most part of the story then at the end decides to stop and die. It is sad and a letdown, if you want the MC to die then best to make it an act of sacrifice to help someone else. Your line:
I don?t want to struggle around people who think they obligated. I want to go home, please, I just want to die as your sister?.
Sounds melodramatic as it is a dramatic choice with seemingly no believable motivation except verbal justification via exposition.
My reaction is the same as TabooCouple’s: bummer.
This ending sounds SO sad… 🙁
DPG, the thing that salvages the story is the following.
Healthy sister is keen to continue when they face a sent back. Sick sister wants to go home. They argue, sick sister is worried about how the new family will act, she also is too sick to handle meeting new people, she says “I don’t want to struggle around people who think they obligated. I want to go home, please, I just want to die as your sister”.
>> I can see an ending where they never find the other family.
But is it a marketable ending? What’s theme salvages the story in spite of their failure?
So far my story exists only with the sisters. Their struggle is the story. I can see an ending where they never find the other family.
>>>I see 2 sisters trying to save one
So do I. But as you play out the scenario, the other family will come into the plot, will be forced to make their own very hard choices. (It’s unrealistic to believe — and anti-climatic — for her real family to automatically consent to the transplant or readily explain the past.)
Thanks DPG,
I am struggling with the adopted family. I have a bucket of sibling story elements. I’ll cross the family meeting issues if the story leads me there.
Your comment proves (to me) that an idea is not as valuable as people think. You read my line and see the clash of two families, I see two sister trying to save one.
Time to hits Celtx cards and start planning.
When a woman surviving on dialysis discovers she was adopted after her sister offers a kidney only to discover it doesn’t match, she must go on a journey to find her real family for a donation. (36 words)
This version tags the woman with the greater motivation as the MC. She would also be the one who has to undergo the greater struggle: she must overcome all the obstacles and complications while being tethered to dialysis treatment which typically must be done at least 3 times a week.
Whatever, the story is ripe with emotionally dramatic possibilities. Because after she finds her family, she must persuade one of them to donate (and initially, of course, no one will.) And she will also force her real mother to confront her painful past and confess to all the ugly truth of why she put her daughter up for adoption. Which was…?
Best of luck with the story.
Thanks you all the help and feedback. Glad other people something in the story.
Rather, so as to add the kidney:
A girl discovers she?s not related to her sister after she attempts to offer her a life-saving kidney. She goes on a journey to find her ?sister?s? real family for the kidney guided only by notes in their dead ?mother?s? diary? (41 words) Perhaps a bit wordy…(?)
Think you can make this a great project – touched even reading it 🙂
Wait, are the 2 sisters related? If not, then the search will NOT be for “their” family… Just needs a bit of tweaking:
“A girl discovers she’s not related to her sister after she attempts to offer her a life-saving kidney. She goes on a journey to find her ‘sister’s’ real family guided only by notes in their dead ‘mother’s’ diary” (38 words)
Kidney donation is a fairly robust and automated process in many countries. A Economica Professor got a Nobel Prize for coming up with a solution to increasing te likelihood of find a match.
That being said your highest chance is finding someone in your own family that will be a match, which is the motivation for finding the sick sisters Mum.
Besides the logline the only other story element I have is the sick sister calling off the search. She become resigned to dying and finding her birth mum would prove they were not really sisters. She wants to die as a her sister than die trying to be someone else.
Does it have to be a dual protagonist plot?
This sounds like a family drama and feels best told from a single point of view, either the sister trying to save or the sister trying to survive.
It has a nice built in ticking time bomb and high stakes so well done on that but it sounds like it has two goals. One goal to find their real parents the other to find a kidney I personally find the later more interesting. The stakes are higher and the time is running out, why would they care abut a mother they know nothing about when life is at risk?
The search for the real parent could work as a sub plot but it shouldn’t distract from the ‘A’ plot of saving her life and in as such has no place in the logline.
Hope this helps.
Perfect. Thanks I was attack it wrong. I was looking at the relationship from one side. A relationship is two sided. This makes my story a two hander.
Hi.
Interesting story…
How about this:
“Two sisters discover they’re not related when one attempts to offer the other a life-saving kidney. They search for their real family guided only by notes in their dead ‘mother’s’ diary.”
Or something along those lines…
Good luck!