Dumped (Revision)
After one of them runs over his loving girlfriend while intoxicated, two teenage boys set off across the northern U.S. looking for a secure place to dump the body as soon as possible, while their friendship and criminal minds are tested.
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I think you need to strip it down quite a bit. It sounds like a premise that could be put across in fewer words. I can see what the story is but at the minute is doesn’t overly excite me and I think you need to add some kind of major twist or hook in there so it isn’t just two boys looking for a place to dump a body.
Hi Carter Breaux, I am hearing two ideas in your logline–one is a “road trip” across the Northern US and the other idea is an “imperative” to dump the body as soon as possible. Which is most important to you? If they are looking for a quick disposal, finding a “secure” site will not take very long and I don’t think will require a trip through multiple states. If the two friends were looking for a “special spot” to honor the loving girlfriend I could see that crossing a few states. Looking forward to hearing more of your ideas.
I pictured a “Road Trip/Gruesome Comedy” Of a movie, and the two main characters have made it their New Years resolution of going west towards California and Washington to “get away.” lo and behold, the next day one runs over his girlfriend, giving them the call to action to run away. So over the course of the next few days, they search for a place that NOBODY will find her, but they must do it quickly before the body begins to rot. That’s a little more of a detailed description of the beginning!
Thank you for the additional information. I will give it some thought and share additional ideas.
When he accidentally kills girlfriend, teenager (main character’s name) and his best friend (friend’s name) must turn their perfectly planned road trip into the perfect way to dispose of the body. Just a thought on how you might shorten the logline.