Discovering she was only hired to fill a quota, a family-oriented mother bands with other ?tokens? to prove her unappreciative boss wrong by winning a big contract for the firm.
Mike PedleySingularity
Discovering she was only hired to fill a quota, a family-oriented mother bands with other ?tokens? to prove her unappreciative boss wrong by winning a big contract for the firm.
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Hello I’m new to this group. I like the premise and the log line, but I don’t understand why the protagonist in a white woman. When I think of a token in a corporate work, a white woman is probably the last person that comes to mind, unless the company is finance, tech,? science or another? completely male dominated field.? I think your script would work better with a high achieving Black, Latino? or Bi racial woman, maybe there is a white woman who works in another department who plays a role in helping her.
Just a thought.
Richiev makes a valid point about avoiding the trite and tired trope of a white, male, Ivy League educated boss.
However, if the boss is female is she also white?? And is the token employee white or…?? How does race play into the plot?? ?What is the race/ethnic group of the protagonist (and? the other tokens)?
Sounds like it’s working. My only suggestions
– describing the mother as ‘family-oriented’ suggests that this will be the flaw that she will overcome (ie. she will need to learn that work must be prioritised over family). Not sure if that’s the intention or not, but certainly from context and the way that loglines GENERALLY describe their characters, that’s the implication.
– is there a more visual way to describe the objective goal (winning the contract). What must they do, specifically, and can it be described in a more visual manner? (This is a piece of advice given to me on my own recent logline submission, and I think it’s pretty on the money.) Can it be described more specifically?
Good stuff!
One more thing, I consider this a ‘feel good movie’ where the scrappy underdogs show up the mean boss.
However, if done wrong it could come across as preachy.
In order to avoid this, I would make the boss a woman as well as the lead character.
If you make the boss a rich, white, male, it will seem like, here we go again, men are bad.
but if you make the boss a woman, the positive message–
(The message: Just because you were hired as an affirmative action, doesn’t mean you can’t do your job)
–will still come through, without being too one-sided.
I like the premise, sort of a modern take on 9-5
As for the logline, I wouldn’t make any big changes.
Possibly something like this: “Discovering she was hired to fill a quota, a family-oriented mother bands with other ”tokens” to prove her unappreciative boss wrong? by winning the next big contract for the firm.”
But if you like your logline better, just stick with it, it gives the facts and sets up an interesting premise.