After a chance meeting with his high school sweetheart reminds him he?s not who he aspired to be, a responsible 29-year-old risks his healthy relationship and stable career to live the life he dreamt of.
Mike PedleySingularity
After a chance meeting with his high school sweetheart reminds him he?s not who he aspired to be, a responsible 29-year-old risks his healthy relationship and stable career to live the life he dreamt of.
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I’m guessing after his 30th, the pact expires… is that so? It’s sort of implied, but do you still feel the need to incorporate this bit?
Just the stakes — you know — they seem fluffy. He can always break a hypothetical pact he made when they were young and foolish. But the premise itself is fresh and (forgive me for overusing it…) colourful. I’d like to know more 🙂
Good Luck!
Right now your logline suggests this:
When his high-school romance shows up with a promising marriage proposal, an aspiring (??) romantic, committed lad struggles to choose the best partner.
I think you know what this lacks and I would like to read the better version, as this leans more towards a comedy.
What’s an “aspiring romantic”? This reads like he’s a little bit of a dick, who’s willing to explore options with another girl while he’s still in a relationship with this one. I find myself not wanting to watch him at all. Surely the pact wasn’t “single” as in “not married” but “single” as in “not in a relationship”? They didn’t mean, at 17, that they’d get married even if they were both happy with other people? So if he’s happy with current girlfriend, the pact is null and void. If he’s unhappy with current girlfriend, he should break up with her, and then explore the pact if he wants to. But I don’t believe the pact and I can’t get behind his double crossing, so, I’m out. How will you make him likeable?
This sounds like conflict, but isn’t
Unless you can give us a good reason why he should stay with his current ‘steady girlfriend’ you are not going to have dramatic tension.
>>>>live the life he dreamt of.
Which is? What’s the Biggest Dream of his life he has foregone?? And why? He didn’t have the guts to pursue it?? Or does he blame his love interest??
For the new one: I dig it more, but it still feels a little conflict-free. My first thought was “why doesn’t he just explain to his girlfriend that he’d like to be more adventurous or whatever, and give her a chance to do it WITH him, if it’s such a healthy relationship?” My second thought was “what kind of life did he dream of that would end his current healthy relationship? Does he want to be a crime boss? Is she a huge dullard who hates fun?” It seems like the kind of story that would evaporate if anyone simply communicated.