After refusing to do a job, a contract is put out on him where he must decide between his survival and the life of his target.
LeviathanSamurai
After refusing to do a job, a contract is put out on him where he must decide between his survival and the life of his target.
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Somewhat. Yeah. The plot of it all is a little bit harder than I anticipated. But, dpg, you are pretty much on point. I hope you don’t mind, but I going to reword it to kind of straighten it out a little bit.
When an assassin is ordered to kill his?significant other, he finds her dead and a contract is put on him without his knowledge. Now he must survive long enough to find out who put the contract out on him and stop it before it gets out to everyone.
I think I left something out, but I hope this explains the plot and makes the logline a little bit better understood. This is a script I’m really excited about because the art of it all is in the details that I can’t put in the logline without giving away too much detail. This is something very close to me and I think people who enjoy it if I can ever get the logline where it needs to be.
>>>making him decide between his survival and the life of his target
Loglines are not about a decision a protagonist has to make.? Loglines are about the action that follows as a result of the decision he makes.
It seems to me that the story you might wish to tell is something like:? ?When a hit man refuses to kill an innocent man, a contract is put out on his own. Now he must save himself and the innocent man.?
?(He is going to rise to the occasion and save the innocent man, too, isn’t he?? The man is innocent, isn’t he — that’s why he refused?? Or is the target a woman?)
I like the idea of an assassin having a contract put on him, BUT… the specific details of the situation are all but missing. Why did he refuse to kill the original target? What is compelling him into this moral dilemma? What is he going to do about the threat to his own life? Will he fight the mafia, kill the assassin that’s after him? Whatever it is, his action needs to be described in the logline, otherwise, we don’t know what his story will be.
Ah, I just went through the logline formula, let’s try this:
After refusing to do a job that he was ordered to do, a contract is put out on the assassin, making him decide between his survival and the life of his target.
It’s short, has a hook, and keeps the idea in focus. Wording could be a little bit. Will work on that.
Kinda lazily written as is.
Briefly describe the job. The protagonist can’t just be called: HIM. Add an isolation/goal so that this guy has a chance of winning.
This would be a start to the already mentioned lack of a hook by Richiev
You are missing the hook.
Why did he refuse the job?