After the corrupt Mayor and tyrannical business owner of a small village accidentially shoots a young Vampire during a hunting trip, the normally peaceful and hidden vampire family leaves the forrest to seek revenge for their dead kid.
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After the corrupt Mayor and tyrannical business owner of a small village accidentially shoots a young Vampire during a hunting trip, the normally peaceful and hidden vampire family leaves the forrest to seek revenge for their dead kid.
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It is better to write the logline from the point of view of the lead character.
Here would be an example:
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“When their son is killed by a corrupt mayor, a peaceful vampire and his wife leave their secluded home to seek revenge on the murderous official an all who support him.”?
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Also, I don’t believe shooting a vampire would kill it. You need a stake,?decapitation or sunlight.
I like Richiev’s suggestion.
I am one who includes fantasy elements in many of my stories, and like this logline, I often ignore or change pre-established traits of magical creatures as I see fit, so I don’t think it’s necessary that a vampire can?only be destroyed by the traditional methods, like Richiev mentioned. However, if a vampire, even a young one, can be killed by a stray bullet, then what’s the point of it being a vampire? In a story of mine, a hailstorm of bullets might rip a vampire’s body apart and effectively destroy it, ignoring the established ‘rules’, but an accidental bullet? That’s hardly a supernatural, superhuman creature.
To that point, why does it need to be accidental? What if the two human characters find this strange vampiric child and decide to destroy it because of fear? Burn it, decapitate it, expose it to sunlight. I think intentional would work better.
I’m with Dkpough1 on this one. If it’s accidental then the audience is possibly going to side a little bit with the killers – everyone does things accidentally. The antagonist should be as bad as they can be – they hunted, tortured, and killed this young vampire – now I want the family to give up their peaceful (Amish vampires?) life and take out these bastards! The only thing I’d say though is make sure that the villain (the mayor) has a motive – he’s not just killing for the sake of killing. Bad guys without a goal are as flat as a hero without a goal.
I love seeing stories expand on existing mythology BUT in a logline it might be wise to not have to explain too much. The exception to this is obviously if that’s the hook. Richiev’s version is great though – we don’t need to know how he’s killed, we can fill in the blanks.
I hope this helps.
Vampires seeking revenge sounds like something that’s already been done. Is there a twist you could throw into the mix?