After the world’s military is wiped out by an advanced inter-dimensional civilisation, a group of mis-fit ex-marines must put their differences aside and work together to save humanity from their alien overlords.
GabeLogliner
After the world’s military is wiped out by an advanced inter-dimensional civilisation, a group of mis-fit ex-marines must put their differences aside and work together to save humanity from their alien overlords.
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What does save humanity mean? Is there a specific objective you can describe to crystalise their efforts around?
Save the world is such a trope. A description of specific objectives could help the reader understand what will happen, and if it is orignial, help with the whole tropey thing.
For example, they could need to blow up the mother ship, or destroy the alien hive mind, or kill the alien general – all these options are cliches, of course, but if you can think of an original objective it would help make this stand out from the – oh so many – aliens attack earth stories already out there.
Secondly, about the logline you can replace the first clause with After a superior alien race takes over Earth. You should also shift the focus of the plot from these characters trying to “get along” to what the F they do about the alien problem, in other words, focus on the greater stakes at hand – saving the world.
Last thing, best to specify the main character instead of a group. I keep finding less experienced writers trying to write multi protagonist plots, but they are ever so much harder to pull off successfully than single protagonist plots,? and single protagonist plots are hard enough already.
Gabe,
While you followed the formula pretty much, your concept is plain and some details don’t jive. This scenario has been done before to death. You already told us these invaders are super strong, yet you want us to root for your unlikely group.
If the military is wiped out, then how are ex-military going to make any difference. Also, what “differences” can they have between each other at the point of world domination that it’s worth space in your logline?
For the logline purposes, I recommend you supply some irony.
For instance, what if the world’s only chance is a group of nerdy science kids. Military couldn’t do it, kids have the stuff to get the job done. Think “Stranger Things.”
If it’s intended to be a satire then the genre to select in this forum is comedy. ?(Unfortunately, this site doesn’t allow compounding of genres like “action-comedy” or “action” and “comedy”.)
IMHO, ?super hero franchises have degenerated into parodies of themselves. ?Be that as it may,, there doesn’t seem to be a particular plot hook to grab and hold attention. ?So what will sell the script and film are a cast of funny characters and lots of clever and funny dialogue. ?Which, of course, is impossible to convey a sense of in a logline.
The ?intentional parody of the scifi genre ?”Galaxy Quest” (1999) ?was a fairly funny and commercially successful send up of the popular “Star Trek” franchise. ?In addition to funny characters and funny dialogue, it had a story hook: mistaken identity. ?The aliens mistake the fictional characters as real scifi heroes and come to earth to beg the cast of mere mortals to rescue their planet. ?Hilarity ensues.
Hollyweird has no shame when it comes to stealing or recycling story concepts so maybe after nearly 20 years there would be interest in a parody that recycles the “Galaxy Quest” plot hook of mistaken identity. ?I dunno. ?Anyway, I suggest brainstorming for a story hook that can be embedded in the logline.
fwiw
If this is a comedy/spoof you should write the logline in such a way that the reader can tell it’s a comedy without having to name a genre. An ironic twist added to the logline will help with this.
Here would be an example, your logline would be different of course.
——————
“When he discovers the local mini brew gives the drinker immunity to the alien mind control, A reformed alcoholic must convince his AA group to fall off the wagon and attack the mother ship before he and his newly found drinking buddies sober up!”
—————–
–Beer and the art of motorcycle?maintenance–
–Beer to eternity–
–How beer saved the world–
Just some thoughts
Thanks for all the feedback really appreciate it, guys!