Georgetown
After their father dies poor, two disparate brothers move to Colorado to seek their fortunes during the Silver Mine boom in the 1800's and struggle to stay one step ahead of an opportunistic politician.
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Good to consider the need for a dual protagonist plot in your story when structuring it, if anything, for the perils that a dual protagonist structure presents.
One internal journey combined with one external goal is complicated and difficult enough as it is. So 2 separate yet similar internal journeys that work together towards achieving the same external goal is even more difficult to do.
I solute you Tara for your bravery in tackling such a plot and look forward to your next draft of this logline as it sounds like a very interesting idea.
Good to consider the need for a dual protagonist plot in your story when structuring it, if anything, for the perils that a dual protagonist structure presents.
One internal journey combined with one external goal is complicated and difficult enough as it is. So 2 separate yet similar internal journeys that work together towards achieving the same external goal is even more difficult to do.
I solute you Tara for your bravery in tackling such a plot and look forward to your next draft of this logline as it sounds like a very interesting idea.
Rules have exceptions, and I think dual protagonists can work, particularly when they are ‘disparate’ which suggests there is going to be a lot of conflict between them. So:
After their father is gunned down in a Colorado boom town in the 1880’s, two feuding brothers must unite to outwit the unscrupulous mayor and hold onto his valuable mining claim.
Rules have exceptions, and I think dual protagonists can work, particularly when they are ‘disparate’ which suggests there is going to be a lot of conflict between them. So:
After their father is gunned down in a Colorado boom town in the 1880’s, two feuding brothers must unite to outwit the unscrupulous mayor and hold onto his valuable mining claim.
Thanks Nir – great feedback & I see your point. The politician doesn’t come into the picture until after the brothers get to Colorado & tries to con them out of their mine when he discovers a gold vein that starts at the brothers mine. I do like somehow linking the politician to the father even if in an emotional way. I’ve actually thought about this but struggling to work out the logistics.
Tray is actually right about it being a dual protagonist with the two brothers. One is very pragmatic & the other a dreamer of sorts. They are very close & play off each other.
Thanks to you both for the tips. Gives me fodder to take back for retooling. ?
Thanks Nir – great feedback & I see your point. The politician doesn’t come into the picture until after the brothers get to Colorado & tries to con them out of their mine when he discovers a gold vein that starts at the brothers mine. I do like somehow linking the politician to the father even if in an emotional way. I’ve actually thought about this but struggling to work out the logistics.
Tray is actually right about it being a dual protagonist with the two brothers. One is very pragmatic & the other a dreamer of sorts. They are very close & play off each other.
Thanks to you both for the tips. Gives me fodder to take back for retooling. ?
sounds like a duel protagonist piece so i think it’s ok not specifying a MC, especially if they’re disparate. maybe use one adjective per to add specificity? nir is right about the financial aspect not creating empathy though, it’s a well written logline but it didn’t grab me.
sounds like a duel protagonist piece so i think it’s ok not specifying a MC, especially if they’re disparate. maybe use one adjective per to add specificity? nir is right about the financial aspect not creating empathy though, it’s a well written logline but it didn’t grab me.
This is a really interesting sounding period piece.
The logline could benefit from specifying one MC even if the MC has a buddy (brother) on his journey with him for the sake of clarity specifying one could help.
The last part “…and struggle to stay one step ahead of an opportunistic politician.” feels added on post fact and unrelated to the plot because it is not an obstacle that is directly related to the brother’s struggle.
The main action the brothers take is for financial gain not a personal struggle and so reduces the potential for empathy.
Try relating the politician to the father’s death and then the fight with the politician is a personal one as well as a financial one.
My try:
After a corrupt politician kills his poor father a desperate man with the help of his brother moves to Colorado during the silver mine boom in the 1800’s to take back his father’s mine from the guilty politician.
Or something like that.
Hope this helps.
This is a really interesting sounding period piece.
The logline could benefit from specifying one MC even if the MC has a buddy (brother) on his journey with him for the sake of clarity specifying one could help.
The last part “…and struggle to stay one step ahead of an opportunistic politician.” feels added on post fact and unrelated to the plot because it is not an obstacle that is directly related to the brother’s struggle.
The main action the brothers take is for financial gain not a personal struggle and so reduces the potential for empathy.
Try relating the politician to the father’s death and then the fight with the politician is a personal one as well as a financial one.
My try:
After a corrupt politician kills his poor father a desperate man with the help of his brother moves to Colorado during the silver mine boom in the 1800’s to take back his father’s mine from the guilty politician.
Or something like that.
Hope this helps.