Fallen Angel
RichievSingularity
After waking from a coma, a young girl with Amnesia searches for clues to her past while battling demonic creatures who stand in the way of her discovering her destiny.
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“An amnesiac child wakes from a coma …” condenses your intro – provided you indicate her gender in the following section of the logline.
The goal is too vague; whilst we understand that she wants to find out about her past, and that demons stand in the way, “searching for clues to her past” doesn’t give us a visual, cinematic goal that makes sense to the reader. We need to know that she’s trying to break out of the asylum she has woken into, or is trying to find the retired ex-head of the orphanage she was raised in, or break into the hall of records at city hall. Something that we can really see and understand, that represents “searching for clues to her past / discovering her destiny.”
Is the conflict solely in her mind? Is there a corresponding external struggle she must win?
Thanks for the feedback guys. This is a logline only atm and you are making good points.
1) The lead is and Angel sent to earth to battle the forces of Evil
2) she is betrayed (Attacked) by an angel she thought was her ally.
3) At the beginning of the movie she doesn’t know she’s an Angel. (She believes she is just an average teenage girl)
4) When she is attacked by demons, she discovers she has powers and my not be a typical teenage girl.
5) Her journey is that of discovering what she is and what her mission is.
6) There will be a final showdown at the end battling the Angel that betrayed her.
7) There will be a human sidekick that observes her journey of self discovery.
That is what I have in my head so far.
Two more things.
First: God and the Devil have a pact about what they can and can’t do on Earth. Her job as an Angel has been that of enforcer. When the Devils minions break the rules, she’s the one that battles them, sending them back to hell.
Second: She may be the Angel of Death, The one riding the pale horse in revelation. (I am not set on that yet, but if so, the title would probably be “Angel of Death” instead of “Fallen Angel.”
My version: “A girl wakes from a coma and realizes she has amnesia; after escaping the hospital to go in search of her past, she finds that when demons REALLY want to keep you from your destiny, they can hide out almost anywhere…”
How about this one:
—–
“After being attacked by demons, a teenage amnesic must discover who or what she is if she’s to defeat the evil horde that has targeted her.”
—–
I now realize the inciting incident isn’t when she wakes from her coma but when she’s attacked by demons and discover’s she may not be entirely human.
>>There will be a human sidekick that observes her journey of self discovery.
Only observe? I suggest the sidekick should be more than just an observer. Said human is or becomes a stake character. IOW: the protagonist must win the battle not only for herself but to save someone else near and dear, a stake character.
After all, what are all these powers for? Just to show off? Just to use for own self-aggrandizement? Angels, are by definition, celestial agents that help and protect — the good ones, anyway. So it would be more dramatically satisfying if she MUST prevail in the supernatural, celestial dimension in order to fulfill her true nature and destiny in the long run. In the immediate context of the story, that means rescuing a stake character who is in mortal peril in the mundane world.
fwiw.
P.S. After all, in all the super-hero franchises, the protagonists are SUPER characters because of their powers and HEROES because of how they USE them — to rescue and help stake characters.
Good point dpg
Maybe when she was an Angel champion she was battling demons because it was her job but didn’t really care much for humans. She was just battling evil because it was evil.
When she gets amnesia and lives among the humans she gets a new perspective. That would be the internal journey of the character.
(Of course that would involve flashbacks which I am not a fan of)
Richiev:
I like where you’re going with the internal journey; she did the right thing — for the wrong reason. She fulfilling the her job description, nothing more.
But I don’t think you need to use flashbacks: just re-create the same subjective problem in her post-amnesiac state-of-mind That is, she has a 2nd chance to learn what she didn’t learn earlier, to help with a heart (metaphorically speaking). Perhaps her failure to give a “divine damn” was why her antagonist was able to betray and defeat her earlier.
And,now, in her post-amnesiac situation, she initially recapitulates her earlier failure-flaw. But this time, finally, thanks to the influence of her sidekick she learns to do the right thing for the right reason. When her sidekick’s life is at stake: she saves the sidekick character physically; the sidekick character saves her subjectively-spiritually.
fwiw.