Posted: 2013-01-05T17:05:05+10:00 In:

After wrongly being convicted of a crime, three hundred years in the future, a former elite soldier is sent to an experimental prison camp on a distant moon, only to be drawn into a violent conflict between an ancient civilization and his fellow prisoners.

Distant Future

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    5 Reviews

    1. I like it.

      I don’t think you need the phrase, “three hundred years in the future,” because that level of specificity doesn’t seem necessary to the story (when you were specific about the year, I thought for sure it was going to be a time travel story, which surprised me that it wasn’t).

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    2. Penpusher

      I agree with timmyelliot about the “three hundred years in the future” phrase. It made me think of time travel as well.

      I think this is a really good logline. The reader knows who the protagonist is, what the conflict is, and with whom.

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    3. I’m thinking you might just get away with saying, “drawn into a violent conflict with an ancient civilization” and not really need the part about “fellow prisoners.” (given that our protagonist is a prisoner, you’ve already sort of lead on that it’s prisoner vs ancient civilization)

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    4. Your story is certainly a good one. Some snips and cuts where the others have suggested would improve your logline.

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    5. I like this concept, only you have to find a way to trim it up

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