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fredozindo
Posted: September 19, 20132013-09-19T02:43:13+10:00 2013-09-19T02:43:13+10:00In: Public

An adventurous, curious intuitive Darug (Aboriginal) boy who wonders often, is suddenly taken into the future facing his humility about his existence, he inadvertently formed a bond with Timmy (Chinese Australian boy) and help him discover the love he needs from his inharmonious family.

I listen…

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    1. Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
      2013-09-19T12:14:52+10:00Added an answer on September 19, 2013 at 12:14 pm

      There is a lot going on in this logline, and it’s not totally clear.

      First things first; what is your protagonist’s goal? It appears that the event or catalyst that sets your story into motion is the protagonist being transported into the future (how far into the future? What sort of future is it he finds himself in?) But beyond that, we don’t know a whole heap about what your protagonist is going to do. Does he need to get home? Stop an evil dictator? Fine a cure for his dying grandmother’s cancer?

      We understand that he befriends a chinese-australian … but is this really integral to the logline? What does this boy help or hinder him from doing? Is this boy from the future society or the present?
      “Inadvertently” suggests your character may be passive, which is an issue at this stage of the logline (your protagonist can have stuff happen to him at the beginning, but after that catalyst, he really needs to be pro-active).

      The inner goal will be figuring out how to bring harmony to his family? In what visual way do you achieve this? What does he actually experience that is able to give him this information?

      You describe your protagonist as adventurous, curious, intuitive, an aboriginal and a boy. You simply don’t have enough words in a logline to give us this much information about the character. Focus on what his FLAW will be, and the most defining characteristic of his personality.

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