“An African-American family moves into a small gated community faces racial discrimination from the white community members is forced to leave, but everything changes when a terrible incident occurs, which ends racism”
DannyPenpusher
“An African-American family moves into a small gated community faces racial discrimination from the white community members is forced to leave, but everything changes when a terrible incident occurs, which ends racism”
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Protagonists are Proactive
In your logline, things happen to your protagonists.
First, they face discrimination
Second, they are forced to leave
Third, an incident occurs
But what does the family do about it? What action do your leads take?
In other words, your protagonists are coming across as passive.
If that is not the case, if in your story the protagonists are proactive, you should add that element to improve the logline.
Hope that helps
Thank you Richie, I added it but couldn’t form a correct sentence to fit it, that’s why I ended like this.
The previous one was,
” An African-American family moves into a small gated community faces racial discrimination, raises their voice against few white members of the community, but eventually fails, give up, decides to leave, unexpectedly an terrible incident occurs, which ends racism”