ALL-NIGHTER
An aging hitman goes up against his boss over a single night in order to protect his family.
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“When a mob boss targets his family, a retired hitman reverts to his old ways to protect those he loves.”
“When a retiring hitman is targeted by his own boss, he must revert to his old ways to protect his loved ones.”
That’s even better woobot; nice.
Why? Why is the boss coming after his family?
The logline is on the short side but it none the less does convey the key points. It uses its words very efficiently.
My main quibble with it is that it does not suggest much that is distinctive about this story. It certainly makes clear the central character and his stakes, but fails to tell us that little bit extra that would incline the reader to care more about the hitman character. Perhaps if we were told a tad more about this character (to make him seem more than just an aging crook), then empathy would be easier. For example, that he was just about to leave the whole underworld life to make a clean start in another city.
This is the most efficient logline I have ever seen, but it lacks an empathy hook.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)