–
jelewis8Logliner
An alcoholic soldier must face his abusive father and confront his own addictions before he loses his memory.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
What is the lead character’s goal?
His action is confronting his father, but what is the lead character hoping to accomplish?
Why does your soldier character have a time-lock on losing his memory? What’s causing his loss of memory? This logline is quite bland, it needs more info on what makes your story different from the rest. I want to know more about the kinds of abuse his father is responsible for, and which war the soldier fought in.
Goal is to overcome a family history of alcohol addiction and patriarchal abuse (verbal, physical, emotional). Memory loss comes from lithium treatments for PTSD, part of mandated treatment after returning from Afghanistan.
So maybe a different approach would be:
“After returning from the war in Afghanistan, an alcoholic soldier seeks to redress past family addictions and his father’s abuses but must find answers and redemption before losing his memories to drugs designed to treat PTSD.”
>>overcome a family history of alcohol addiction and patriarchal abuse
Film is a visual medium. What’s does “overcome” or “redress” or “redemption” look like? What’s happens in the scene that let’s the audience know he’s overcome and redressed his addiction and abuse, that he’s redeemed himself?
And find answers to what questions?
>>> Memory loss comes from lithium treatments for PTSD
Is it medically valid that lithium causes memory loss?
If the lithium is going to cause him to lose his memory, could this also cure his alcoholism? Wouldn?t he just forget about the abuse? That seems like actually a good side effect.
If this is just the start of an idea, maybe there could be something else he needs to confront before he forgets. Like something that happened in Afghanistan. A war crime? That?s a movie I?d watch!
Thank you all so much for helping me workshop this. It’s the toughest logline I’ve had to write b/c the story is more cerebral than concept-oriented.? You guys are asking all the right questions and helping me dig into the best way to construct this beast.
>>> has to complete one last mission as part of his final redemption?keeping a promise
Then his objective goal is to fulfill the promise. What is the promise he made? Whatever it is, that is what needs to be incorporated into the logline.
All the other issues you mentioned are complications to fulfilling that promise, problems to be overcome on the way. Like regaining sobriety. Overcoming alcoholism is not his end game, it’s a necessary step in his dramatic game plan to being able to fulfill his promise.
And there are some studies to indicate that lithium is implicated in memory impairment — but that is not the same as total memory loss.? ?And? to clarify, lithium as a remedy for PTSD is prescribed — it is not mandatory.? He cannot be compelled to take it against his volition. That’s a violation of the medical code of ethics.
So here’s a long-winded, but possibly on the right track, version:
When an alcoholic soldier with PTSD from the war in Afghanistan has a fatal confrontation with his abusive father after returning stateside, he is sent to a rehab facility, but learns he can’t overcome his addiction and escape his past or trauma until he travels to Malaysia to fulfill a promise made to a friend in combat.
>>Heightened circumstances, heightened drama
I fully realize that factual truth is “elastic” in drama.? But there are limits. The pivotal details of a story have to be believable. Just saying.
The more pertinent issue is I still have no sense of the protagonist’s overarching, specific, singular objective goal.
That isn’t an objective goal.? It’s a subjective need.? Further, objective goals are intentional.? “Learning he can’t…” is unintentional.? It’s not what he intended to do, it’s what he discovered he has to do.
Jelewis8:
First of all, I want to commend you for hanging in there and taking my negative notes.? ?I am a tough reviewer because? it is a tough business.? Your logline must go up against thousands of other loglines vying for attention and consideration.
Now then.? For the purpose of a plot and logline, the objective goal should always be framed positively, not negatively.? Specific to your story, his goal should be framed in terms of what he wants — not what he does not want.? It is not enough for a character to say what he does not want to be? (or do).? That leaves unanswered the? dramatic question.? The dramatic question is always framed in terms of what he wants to do,? the course of action he will take to get what he wants.
>>>Andy Dufresne describes to him in Shawshank. He doesn?t know what he?ll find at the tree …
But the protagonist is Andy Dufresne .? And he does know what he wants . By that moment in the film he’s achieved his objective goal.? It’s concrete? and has? a strong visual:? he crawls out of that sewer pipe a free man.? What’s the corresponding visual moment in your story?
>>>The whole screenplay is him becoming his father and trying to escape that legacy.
That’s his subjective character arc, well and good for the purpose of the script as a whole.? But a logline is about a protagonist’s objective goal, not the subjective problem he needs to overcome to achieve that goal.
dpg thank YOU for your sticking with the process and providing useful feedback! I’m all about getting there; the twists and winds of the road are necessary part of the journey.
>>For the purpose of a plot and logline, the objective goal should always be framed positively, not negatively.
Okay, I hear you–I think the positive side of his dilemma would be “achieve lasting sobriety and emotional healing.” There isn’t a crawling through the pipe moment, or finding an ark or grail. The closest thing to that is finding his friend’s mother (the promise he makes to his friend). That’s the objective goal that occupies him the latter half of the script. And his friendship is set up so that this objective makes perfect sense, especially for a man driven to find answers.
>>But a logline is about a protagonist?s objective goal, not the subjective problem he needs to overcome to achieve that goal.
I agree with you. The subjective problem is the inverse of the objective goal. The problem is, from where I’m sitting, “Get sober/Achieve peace” is more of a thematic goal–it’s not something tangible or concrete like “escape from prison” is. But it IS the goal in this case.
>>What?s the corresponding visual moment in your story?
It’s the main character leaving behind a gun (the threat of suicide) and a letter (where he learns how his friend really died in Afghanistan) and walking away having finally found his peace after meeting with his friend’s mother. Again–it’s not a concrete moment of physicality, but rather the culmination of a screenplay’s worth of pain and trauma finally being accepted rather than rejected. And he walks away a “free” man.
Jelewis8:
A reason I am hanging in with your idea is because I believe there is a need to tell the story of wounded bodies and wounded souls that have come out of American’s never ending engagement in the Middle East.? (A “Coming Home” or “Dear Hunter” for this generation).? On that subject, I recommend “Odyssesus in America: Combat Trauma and The Trials of Homecoming” by Jonathan Shay.? It is based upon Dr. Shay’s experiences and observations counseling Vietnam Vets. But? I believe it’s relevant to the current generation of? veterans because although the? war theater has changed, human nature hasn’t.
Best wishes with your story.