Second Skin
An amateur conwoman attempts to manipulate a paranoid ex-con into getting rid of the landlord who's blackmailing her. But as his illness deepens can either of them trust anyone?
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Why doesn’t the protagonist (I’m assuming the conwoman) just get rid of the landlord herself?
What are the stakes – that the landlord is blackmailing the conwoman to get?
What is the illness the ex-con has and how does it connect to the story – is it his paranoia?
At the moment, you’ve worded the logline as though your feature film is the story of one person trying to convince someone to help them for an hour and a half, and once person number 2 agrees to help, the credits will begin rolling.
I am assuming that the BULK of the movie actually revolves around the con that your protagonist and the ex-con actually pull … but the action you’ve assigned your protagonist is “attempting to manipulate” another character. If you could re-write it, what would your protagonist’s ACTUAL goal be? To get rid of the landlord? (Does that mean kill, or have them locked up, or simply lose their job/move to another house?)
Could you shorten to one sentence and define the illness and who has it.
I am sure there is a great story here but for me it is not coming through totally clear yet two things struck me, i was not sure whose illness it was, the landlord or the ex-con and for some reason i had to read it a couple of times to understand it,
Agree with the above comments. Shorten to one sentence that is 35-40 words. Answer who has what illness. Emphasis what will happen if the con doesn’t work out. What is the conflict? And what is in jeopardy?