Logliner
Posted: 2019-07-28T11:40:09+10:00 In:

An America Indian and her drinking buddy from another star system saves abducted humans from hostile ETs then they save humanity from their most formidable foe. . . . Humans!

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      I like having a Native American protagonist.? But having her save humanity from itself is vague.? What is the specific problem that humanity collectively needs to be rescued from?

      And who is the face of that problem — the proxy antagonist?? Who is global enemy #1 who needs to be vanquished?

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    2. Singularity

      While you have the logline under SciFi, it feels like a comedy, so I will attempt a comedic logline as way of an example. However, if it misses the mark just ignore it:

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      “When her grandfather is abducted by evil extraterrestrials, an American Indian and her alien drinking buddy put aside their beer, set to the stars and attempt to rescue poor Grampy before he is probed in a very uncomfortable way…”

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    3. Singularity

      This logline attempt is better than previous attempts.

      Your logline does have two goals however, I would probably stick with one goal in the logline.

      Also, it would help if the person who is kidnapped by evil aliens is someone the American Indian cares about. That way the mission to save the ‘humans’ would be more personal.

      For instance, when John McClain sets out to save the Takahashi building, it’s to save his wife. In the process, he saves everyone else, but he has a personal motivation.

      Anyway, the logline is heading in the right direction.

       

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