An awkward, young man attempts to dissuade his imaginary friend from accompanying him on a first date, only to find he’s not the only one with an overactive imagination.
Dead_JesterPenpusher
An awkward, young man attempts to dissuade his imaginary friend from accompanying him on a first date, only to find he’s not the only one with an overactive imagination.
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>>Do you really need to clarify what?s at stake on a first date? Isn?t that self explanatory?
Perhaps. ?But because he’s socially awkward, maybe he would want his imaginary friend along ?to ease the tension, to help him overcome his awkwardness. IOW: I don’t see what particular problem having his imaginary friend along creates. ?Particular in this situation as distinct from the general problem of having an imaginary friend who ?subs for a real one.
Nor do I see what particular problem is created by his date bringing along an imaginary friend. ?I can guess what the problem might be, but I shouldn’t have to guess; the logline should inform me. ?Your logline sets up a situation that I imagine can go in any number of directions. ?But it’s not my story. ?I want to know what is the specific direction you intend to take with this situation, the particular plot you have in your imagination.
Agreed with DPG and Richiev.
I’ll add that the obstacle isn’t clear.? This sounds like a short film and as such gives you the ability for a smaller scope.? However, don’t discount the importance of a solid plot, in other words, define a clear goal and obstacle for the guy.
If the story is about him trying to persuade the imaginary friend to go away, then it will take place before the date. If this is the case, what is the obstacle for him stopping the imaginary friend from attending?
What is his obstacle in this case?
If the story is about him on the date already, and during the evening trying to get the imaginary friend to bugger off, then the obstacle is clear and need not be elaborated on.
The 2nd part of the log should be scrapped. Elaborate more on what the main hurdle of this story will be. As per above, remove the imaginary reveal.
You probably should not give away the big reveal in the logline.
A logline should be a statement of a plot. ?This logline sets up a situation for a possibly amusing plot, but it fall short of actually describing one. ?What is the young man’s objective goal? ?What dramatic problem/obstacle/opposition arises out of the situation that he must overcome to achieve that goal? ?What’s at stake on this first date?
Please check out the information under “Formula” for guidelines on writing an industry acceptable?logline.