Distant Future
An elite member of the galactic Special Forces is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman?s son. He must prove his innocence, and seek his revenge, while he serves his sentence at an experimental prison camp.
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To clarify , I’m not say it *should* be a present-day story. I’m saying if it is set in the future, *why* is it set in the future? What does that give you that you wouldn’t have in any other setting?
For example, Lockdown is an ‘escape an inescapable prison’ story set in the future – and what the future setting gives you is *the reason the prison is inescapable*. It’s _in space_. You can’t get off it without a ship. So, good reason for the story to be set in the future. What’s the good reason for the future setting here?
An elite member of the galactic Special Forces is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman?s son. He must prove his innocence, and seek his revenge, while he serves his sentence at an experimental prison camp
The logline can be shortened into one sentence, to about 30 words or less. Start it off with “As”, “Before”, “When”, or “After”, so the rest of the logline forces you to “answer the question”.
Regarding the different genre; I disagree with the other sentiments. Sure, you could make it current day, Earth, but then, the story is fairly common, cliche and hardly unique. Putting in the future, or in space (changing genres, changing locations, etc.) adds a different “dimension” (no pun intended), that makes for a more solid hook; something no one’s done before. Creating a “world” outside of this one is one way of making your story stand out. It can be done a number of ways, and one way is to really take it “out of this world”.
Just my thoughts…
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge
Like Debbiemoon, I would also agree about more of a present day scenario, especially if a production budget comes in to play. I would also write your logline as follows.
“When an elite member of a Special Forces unit is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman’s son, he must prove his innocence, while strategizing an unlikely escape from a secret government prison.
Good stakes, good drive for the plot, but what I’m not seeing is why this has to be science fiction. The basic plot could happen here and now, or in the past. So what advantage are you getting by setting it in a sci-fi world? Why does it have to happen in that world?