Posted: 2012-12-24T07:35:30+10:00 In:

An elite member of the galactic Special Forces is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman?s son. His attorney must convince the congressman of his innocence, while he serves his sentence at an experimental prison camp.

Distant Future

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    4 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Too many words, too many sentences. Cut back, simplify. Who’s the antagonist, the congressman? What’s experimental about the prison? You don’t have to tell the whole story, but what you do tell has to be clear, intriguing, and brief.

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    2. Samurai

      Too many words, too many sentences. Cut back, simplify. Who’s the antagonist, the congressman? What’s experimental about the prison? You don’t have to tell the whole story, but what you do tell has to be clear, intriguing, and brief.

      • 0

    3. Thanks for your comments. I’ve posted an update.

      • 0

    4. So, who is the main character here, the special forces guy or the attorney? Because it doesn’t seem like the special forces guy has much to do here.

      • 0