Penpusher
Posted: 2020-04-19T22:22:30+10:00 In:

?An emerging artist comes to town to become an art star, but it won’t be easy for him, there he falls in love with a promising young lawyer. A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one can live thanks to the heart of the other, and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. ?

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    2 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      It sounds interesting but I’m not clear why the one with the good heart would give it up.

      Some options to consider:

      What is the inciting incident? Perhaps it can start from when the heart transplant happens

      Maybe have a heart donation available from a third party but only one can get it so it becomes a legal case. What are the stakes/consequences?

      Perhaps the artist is brain dead but has his heart functioning thus donating his heart to the lawyer.

      What is your theme? Where is it going?

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    2. Singularity

      Does the story end with the heart transplant

      or

      does the story begin with the heart transplant

      I can’t tell from the way this is written. (Although I like this better than your first attempt)

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