Penpusher
Posted: 2022-08-19T09:04:30+10:00 In:

An Ethiopian young woman adopted by an Israeli couple wants to find her biological parents.

Halima

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    5 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Hi tony18,
      I can see you are emphasizing “Ethiopia” in all your loglines. But I do not see any relation between your story and Ethiopia as a location or Ethiopian as a nationality. If you are insistent on mentioning the terms “Ethiopia” and “Ethiopian”, you also need to mention the significance of it whether as a location or a nationality.

      The young woman who was adopted by an Israeli couple can be from any other country. Why should you mention she is Ethiopian? Is the process of finding one’s biological parents any more difficult in Ethiopia compared to other countries? If yes, why? How? Elaborate.

      If finding her biological parents is difficult, particularly in Ethiopia, then you have a challenge/barrier. A challenge makes a logline more interesting. But does she have a solution? How does she overcome this challenge?

      Also, is there any particular reason to mention who adopted this young woman? Foster parents’ nationality etc? You must think of the core story. No unnecessary info is needed.

      For example:

      Struggles of a young woman to find her biological parents in Ethiopia, despite….(the challenge).

      Use this as a template if you agree with me and re-write.

      I hope this helps.

      • 1
    2. Logliner

      Hi tony18,
      As my colleague Richiev said, I meant to tell you there is no conflict written into the logline. I suggest you click on the Formula icon at the top of this page and read the content carefully.

      Your story is about a young Ethiopian woman who was adopted by an Israeli couple and now she wants to find her biological parents. This story is not interesting like this. Why? Because your lead character is not facing any problems/conflicts/challenges in achieving what she wants. But if for example, the Ethiopian government is not keeping any record of people adopting babies (for any reason), then there is a conflict, a challenge that your lead character must overcome in order to achieve finding her biological parents. Or, if she wants to find her biological parents without her foster parents knowing, that, too, is a challenge she must overcome.

      You should think, what is stopping your lead character from finding her biological parents? What are the challenges? The conflict. Then that is the story.

      Good Luck

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