I Shot The Sheriff
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
An idealistic detective must protect a witness from the corrupt cops of an outpost town after his witness kills a cop in self defence.
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This sounds a little like something we would have seen before – 16 Blocks, Attack On Precinct 13 etc. What does it have that makes it stand higher than these lot? The story is in there but feels a bit generic.
Is the witness a woman? Could she be the lover of someone? Why did she have to protect herself?
I noticed the 16 Blocks similarity myself.
The hook for me is turning those films in their heads – usually they’re about washed up police officers reclaiming some of their former glory. I wanted to tell the story of a bright eyed and bushy tailed young detective who is put in a position where he has to protect a cop-killer … who happens to be the key witness in a massive ring of corruption that the detective was investigating in the first place. It’s a journey of disillusionment – and I guess that’s what I see the hook as being.
However, if it didn’t appeal, it didn’t appeal. So I have some work ahead of me.
Why does the witness work better as a woman, do you think? What I think you’re suggesting is to turn the need to protect more primal – the witness is not just a stranger, but a lover or a family member. Make the bond between detective and witness stronger, perhaps?
It does appeal in a way as I do like these sort of movies as they can be dark. I just think the log line can show us that it isn’t going to be the same as others out there, it still will work as an idea.
The witness being a woman was just my initial thinking and I’m not really sure why but it could work better then as he could develop feelings for her? Or like you said could it be a family member so his stakes become even higher so it isn’t just a witness. A woman might need to be protected more (like you said) where as a man who has already killed a cop might not need so much protecting.
Now you’ve explained the story more than it is different but think that needs to be fed into the log line so we realise that. Hope this helps.
Nicholas- it is SO refreshing to have someone who actually UNDERSTANDS what a “hook” is, and by virute of Kriss’questions, it is clear that he also understands it, and why it is so important. I’m so delighted in that alone…
While I also immediately thought of “16 Blocks”, I tried to think back if any of these “similar-type” plots involved a cop-killer, and so far, only “The Negotiator” comes to mind, but it is still different enough. At first glance, I’m thinking as simplistic as this concept is, it just may be unique enough to be a hit. As a former police officer and detective myself in a major city, I have an invested interest in stories like this. I’ve lived this story, in many different ways.
That being said, rule one of any logline is to get the spelling correct: it is self-defense.
Rule number two is to not repeat a word in the thirty-word-or-less logline, if at all possible. Therefore, you’ll need to change the second “cop” and “witness” to other words.
The logline could use a little more work, but you are way ahead of the game with a great, simple concept, easily understood by the masses in one sentence, and a project with a great title, and easily a great soundtrack.
My last screenplay, the multi-award winning “Banking on Betty”, has a similar concept- unique but different than this one. Mine was an action/comedy buddy-buddy movie with a similar premise, while this is clearly a crime drama.
Great job!
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge
Thanks Geno – I appreciate the praise.
I will need to iron out this logline, but at least I know that the premise has legs – so that’s a huge weight off my shoulders.
Regarding self-defence, which is spelt with a “c” in Australia (where I live and work), thanks for the pickup nonetheless, and the hyphen. Also, point taken about the repeated words. I’ll sort it out.
I’ll give this logline another try.