An incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.
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An incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.
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There is currently no explanation as to why these two crooks would use this granny to hold a loan shark to ransom. I don’t get why this loan shark would care? If it’s the loan shark’s granny then sure… but currently it’s not. Holding someone to ransom works best when it’s someone that people care about.
How does “proves to be more dangerous than she’s worth” work visually? Film is a visual medium, you need to tell us what’s actually going to be happening on screen.
Who’s the protagonist and what’s the goal? If it’s the crooks (ideally make a single protagonist), how are you going to make the audience get behind two dim-witted crooks who kidnap old people? There’s certainly comedy value but I’m not sure how long it would last.
As a suggestion why not make the granny the protagonist. A little old octogenarian channelling Kevin McAllister and single-handedly outfoxing two criminals and their loan shark. Much easier to get behind her, particularly if she’s a feisty old dear.
I like the idea of two dumb crooks kidnapping a grumpy old granny.? (And that’s how I’d phrase it;? no shame or downside in riffing off the title phrase? “grumpy old men”. ) But what is supposed to follow seems garbled.? She’s being held for ransom, right?? To be paid by the loan shark?
Why would a loan shark feel compelled to pay the ransom?? Is she his grandmother?
And is the grandmother the protagonist or just the stakes character?
I agree with mikepedley85 that the grumpy old grandmother is the strongest candidate to be the protagonist.? She’s the most colorful character and could “own” every scene she’s in.? Or “steal” it if she’s not the protagonist — which the actor playing the designated protagonist would not appreciate.
So assuming the grandmother is the protagonist, what becomes her objective goal after being kidnapped?? “Proves to be more dangerous than she?s worth” is vague; it suggests a complication to a? possible plot — but? it doesn’t spell out what that plot is.
An incessant granny? So she never stops being a grandmother?
I honestly have no idea what word you meant to use here, and this is just one question raised by the unclear phrasing exhibited. You also have two complete sentences, one of which starts with “When,” and both of those things make for weak loglines. I think what you’re going for is more like this:
A resourceful granny must escape her dim-witted kidnappers when her wealthy son refuses to pay the ransom.
I admit the combination of defining a protagonist as resourceful and antagonists as dim-witted does make it seem like escape should be easy and therefore the stakes aren’t very high, but if you play around with the adjectives (and thus the character types) you can certainly create a stronger opposition.
I really like the new version. Just a few additional points…
I agree with mrliteral… “incessant” is possibly not the word you mean.
Have you ever seen The Ladykillers (the original with Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers)? You could maybe take some inspiration from that as there are some similarities. Mrs Wilberforce is a great character!
I don’t think you need to say “find the reason why”. It’s a comedy so you can easily set up the mother/son relationship to be comedically strained in some way – she sees him as a selfish ingrate, he sees her as a freeloader just after his hard earned cash. You could throw a huge twist in… she’s actually part of the whole thing because he won’t pay for her to go to a nice nursing home? I think the ‘why’ though will gradually reveal itself through the story, it’s not necessarily the end goal. This is just my opinion though… others may disagree.
I also agree with mrliteral about considering making the criminals not so dim-witted – just to make her victory that much sweeter! Even in Home Alone (1 & 2… let’s pretend the others don’t exist) whilst Harry & Marv are admittedly fairly incompetent, they do get the upper hand only for Kevin to be saved by Old Man Marley in 1 and the Pigeon Lady in 2. These are great examples of introducing subplots into the main. Something to consider.
Hope this helps.
Hey, did you edit the original logline, on this page? The oldest comments make no sense.
This film’s concept sounds a lot like Ruthless People with Danny DeVitto and Bettie Middler. Check it out and see if it helps.
Sounds a bit too much like “Ruthless people” ?(1986), only with a granny instead of a wife. Try and find a way to make it a bit more different from the other film.
I don’t think the grandmother needs to escape, This should be ‘The Ransom of Red Chief’ but with an old lady.
In other words, the granny is so annoying that the hapless?kidnappers finally just give her back.