N/A
Any guidance and feedback would be appreciated… TIA
JulieP1974Penpusher
An Indigenous detective faces off with the unwritten law of nature an eye for an eye. He must immerse in a world of life and death before the hunters become the hunted.
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After reading your logline, I am unsure what the story is about.
You should try writing a second logline using completely different words to tell the story differently.
That does not mean your story isn’t good, it just means the logline is a tiny bit vague.
Hi thanks for the feedback.
I am going to keep attempting to hone in on this skill. It is hard but want to nail them.
Here is another attempt:
When a group of trophy hunters disappear from a housewarming party, Indigenous police officer Seb Smith discovers them entrapped in a world where the hunters become the hunted.
That is actually better.
My two cents:
Indigenous implies a particular place – but the location is missing.
The initial logline reads more like a teaser. The second iteration is better.
Non-historical character names can be omitted.
Example:
When a group of trophy hunters goes missing on an African safari, a police officer must use his indigenous skills to rescue them before the hunters become the hunted.
Make this yours. I hope this helps.