Logliner
Posted: 2016-08-18T00:36:14+10:00 In:

An intelligent but unsuccessful father must save his kids from terrorist who think that he is a Superhero.

An intelligent but unsuccessful father must save his kids from terrorist who think that he is a Superhero.
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    7 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Himanshu:

      I’ve pondered your logline for a while and am still unsure about how the underlying logic of the premise plays out. ?What is the theme you are exploring? ?What is the emotional payoff ?– what do you want the audience to think and feel after seeing the film?

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    2. A lot has been touched on already but I’ll just say that you should change “intelligent”, instead showing us how he is intelligent. Does he have a job that shows this (i.e. scientist, teacher?) or does he have an eidetic memory? Show don’t tell, even if possible in a logline.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Uberwriter

      Is it better to describe him rather than his career. ?A poor career doesn’t in my opinion inform us of his character. ?Why does he fail as a business person, state that.

      A fearful, non confrontational man…..

      Scared and indecisive….

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    4. Singularity

      Wouldn’t the father want to save his kids from a terrorist even if they thought he wasn’t a superhero? ?Isn’t that what fathers, whether schmucks or alpha males, want to do?

      Further his kids lives are at stake if they don’t think he’s a superhero. ?And their lives are also at stake if they do think he’s a superhero. ?So the stakes don’t change depending on what his kids believe. ?

      So what’s the big deal about his kids thinking he’s a superhero? ? Why, as a script reader or viewer should I want to root for a protagonist who intentionally deceives and deludes his kids? ?How does that make him a sympathetic character? ?Or at least a compelling one?

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    5. Singularity

      What Richiev said.

      More details would help understand the plot and genre.

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    6. Singularity

      First; I do like that the logline is short and to the point.

      However, you tell us he is an unsuccessful father, this could be taken two different ways, so the line should be re-written. (In other words, does the line mean, he’s a ‘bad father’ or ‘unsuccessful at his job’)

      Also; the term terrorists is vague as well. Is there a more specific way you could describe them, are they members if the IRA, are they Islamic extremists, are they eco-terrorists? By adding just one word you could give us a better indication of who the bad guys are…

      Next; is there a face to the bad guys, one specific person who could represent the terrorists. Maybe a guy who’s obsessed with Lex Luthor and sees this as his chance to become a comic book villain?

      Finally; “Why him” Why not the police? Why not the FBI?

      If I had kids and they were kidnapped by terrorists I would call 911.

      Hope that helped, good luck with your script!

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    7. Logliner

      How are they being attacked by the terrorist?

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