Samurai
Posted: 2015-04-16T20:07:30+10:00 In:

A nostalgic adventurer returns to Greece to avoid the sale of his grand parents house in a week, but faces his coquettish parents who reject his lifestyle and blackmail him with the house, and his sandbox love as a badass broker who needs every cent during the financial crisis.

Drama/Romantic

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      If you’re asking for a personal opinion I don’t find the house to be high enough stakes nor compelling enough motivation for a film but that’s just me other people may disagree?

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    2. Samurai

      Well, thank you for your feedback, guys. I really appreciate that. It’s hard to write a short and on point logline. I guess I have some work to do.
      Actually, do you think it’s a good motivation for a character to return to an old house to avoid the selling. I’m in the same situation, because I love the house of my grand parents and don’t want it to get sold.
      The house has a lot of feelings and emotions for me, because I spent almost every summer inside of it with my grandparents.
      The character will also lose his memories of his grand parents, if the house will be sold.

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    3. Samurai

      I agree with Nir.

      I thought it was fine up until the “sandbox lover”, after that I just found myself confused.

      I also think there would be a more succinct way to spell out the opening without having to mention the house twice.

      I also don’t think “Nostalgic” is a good character trait to use. Is it this nostalgia that causes him to want the house to remain in the family? I think it would make more sense if the house was in some way special. That would lead to a more interesting logline. Why does an adventurer need a house anyway?

      Without knowing the true nature of the story I would go with something more like:
      – After losing everything in the financial crisis, a rugged adventurer returns to Greece to prevent his greedy parents from selling his beloved Grandparent’s home.

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    4. Singularity

      HI Savinho.

      I find this sentence confusing and too wordy for a logline.

      Just to be clear:
      The main character is the adventurer.

      The main character flaw is being nostalgic.

      The main character’s goal is to prevent his grandparents house from being sold.

      The antagonists are his parents.

      I know what you are trying to do with the love interest but it is only confusing the issue as “…his sandbox love as a badass broker who needs every cent during the financial crisis.” is a badly structured description with little relation to the plot described up to that point in the logline.

      Don’t use cryptic and “clever” descriptions or statements (“…sandbox love…” or “…coquettish parents…” or “…the financial crisis.” – which or who’s financial crisis?) as they come across as presumptuous and miss placed.

      Better to just describe the main character and his or her goal and actions to achieving that goal. All the rest are just flowery descriptions and sub plot elements that detract from the main plot at hand.

      Hope this helps.

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