An on the edge of your seat drama about an NYPD detective who falls in love with a woman; who?s brother is the head of a drug cartel and the detective?s partner gone bad, determined to end their romance.
cchagansPenpusher
An on the edge of your seat drama about an NYPD detective who falls in love with a woman; who?s brother is the head of a drug cartel and the detective?s partner gone bad, determined to end their romance.
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1:? In a logline word count matters. This makes creating loglines good writing practice because you learn to write with the least amount of words possible. You will find yourself doing the same thing in your scripts as well, once you get the hang of it.
Example:
When he falls in love with= when he falls for
The head of a drug cartel = drug cartel kingpin
A woman, who’s brother is = the sister of
It’s just cutting a word here and a word there but after a while it becomes second nature.
2: Also you should give the detective a pro-active goal
“When he falls for the head of a drug cartel’s sister, a detective must…” (Then tell us what he must do)
Hope that helped, good luck with this
What is the lead characters goal? That seems to be missing from the logline.
As Foxtrot25 said. ?I’m slumped down in my seat, confused.
The logline seems to set up a dramatic situation, but not a plot. ?It?sets up a story about a detective, but the only ones who have an action plan, an objective goal, are the bad guys.?If the detective is the protagonist what must he?do in the situation? ?What is his action plan, his objective goal?
And what logline readers are looking for are “just the facts” statements of the plot — not hype (“seat of your pants”).
Wait, who’s determined to end which romance? Detective with the woman or detective’s partner with a cartel brother? I’m confused, yet pretty sure I’m not on the edge of my seat.