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shivaLogliner
Posted: April 23, 20172017-04-23T19:39:14+10:00 2017-04-23T19:39:14+10:00In: Drama

An ordinary biker girl sacrifices her extraordinary corporate career to win her love ; embarks on a solo Motorcycle quest of her inspirational soulmate.

An ordinary biker girl sacrifices her extraordinary corporate career to win her love ; embarks on a solo Motorcycle quest of her inspirational soulmate.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Best Answer
      Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-04-23T22:44:12+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2017 at 10:44 pm

      Ordinary biker girl with extraordinary corporate career? This sounds awkward. One or the other plz.

      Focus on the motorcycle quest and what that’s about.

      A corporate figure sacrifices her career and embarks on a motorcycle quest to win the inspirational love of her life.

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    2. Best Answer
      dpg Singularity
      2017-04-24T00:28:54+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2017 at 12:28 am

      As an ardent motorcyclist in times past with over 6 figures in miles under his gluteus maximus, a road trip movie like this is appealing.

      But I know from long experience that riding a motorcycles is an ideal way to experience the passing scenery and indulge in solitary reflection (as in “Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” which is a classic book, but has proven to be difficult to mold into a script — and Robert Redford tried).

      So I don’t see how the rather solitary nature of the motorcycle experience is as an effective m.o. to finding one’s soul mate.

      I suggest the story might benefit from a specific destination. ?For example, if the story is set in the US, she could be cycling cross country to attend the annual August rally in Sturgis, ND, the most famous and popular rally of them all, or the East Coast rally at Little Orleans, MD (which I will be attending for my 3rd time this August). ?

      Also, in the romance genre, ?as is the case (most of the time) in real life, finding true love is usually accidental, an unintentional coincidence that happens while pursuing something else, a specific objective goal that generates conflict.

      Anyway, I think there’s a gem of an idea for an interesting movie. ?Particularly if you are a motorcycle maniac yourself and are familiar with the motorcycle culture. ?But it’s a gem that needs some ?polishing.

      fwiw

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    3. Best Answer
      CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-04-24T09:35:47+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2017 at 9:35 am

      The only thing I’d add or try to describe is, what does the quest mean? A road trip, entering the competitive circuit?

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    4. Best Answer
      Richiev Singularity
      2017-04-24T10:13:00+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2017 at 10:13 am

      Story is conflict, I am not seeing any conflict (I am not saying your story has no conflict, I am just saying I don’t see it expressed in the logline)

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    5. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-04-24T12:15:43+10:00Added an answer on April 24, 2017 at 12:15 pm

      Agreed with Richiev.

      I just read this post after having responded to the previous version, most of my comments still apply so bellow is my previous post.
      Bottom line is, it’s not clear what specifically happens to the girl, why, what she wants and to what end.

      ?

      ?

      This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.

      The main character is a biker girl ? good.

      What is her inciting incident, or in other words, what motivates her to HAVE to take action for fear of something very bad happening?

      What is her flaw, what is the characteristic that she must overcome over the course of the story?

      Lastly, and most importantly, what is her goal? Without this last item there is no plot and without a plot there is no story.

      I suggest you check out the ?Formula? tab for more information about constructing loglines.

      ?

      ?

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