An outcast elephant who prefers to keep to himself becomes an unlikely hero when he unintentionally prevents a tragedy from occurring, but now he must learn how to become a leader.
rebekahaiePenpusher
An outcast elephant who prefers to keep to himself becomes an unlikely hero when he unintentionally prevents a tragedy from occurring, but now he must learn how to become a leader.
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I like the idea, but you need a specific villain, maybe a crocodile.
If he were the hereditary leader, in other words, if it’s his birthright like in the Lion King, he would have a more compelling reason to rise to the occasion. Otherwise, I have to agree with Richiev and DPG, the logic behind the nature of his leadership ascension doesn’t work.
A shy, cowardly elephant makes up a story of heroism and is made leader of his tribe, but when a real threat emerges he must lead his on a perilous journey to new land and safety.
Currently your elephant becomes a hero and then isn’t challenged as nothing is forcing him to become a leader and his hero status isn’t being threatened the two parts seem unconnected.
As Richiev asked:? why must he learn to be a leader?? It doesn’t follow logically that just because he is an accidental hero, now? he must become a leader. What dramatic crisis compels him to become a leader of pachyderms??
And become a leader… or else what?? ? What’s at stake if he doesn’t?
Why must the lead character become a leader (Leader of what? The elephant tribe?)
Will something bad happen if he fails to take the lead? Is there a threat to the Elephants?
How will he become the leader, must he complete three trials (For instance) to become the leader of the elephants or did it happen when your lead character saves the day?
You tell a story with details and need to do the same in a logline.
“…prevents a tragedy…” – means very little in the context of a logline. What tragedy? What did he do?
This tragedy, being the inciting incident, should happen as a result of someone or something else and you need to describe it from the main character’s point of view, for example: After a poacher shoots half his herd, an outcast elephant kills the man and must lead the remaining herd members away to safety.
Secondly, “…must learn how to become a leader…” – is his inner journey, but loglines are about the outer journey the MC takes to achieve a goal. What is his goal in the story?
I like the premise.
I’m not sure you need to keep “who prefers to keep to himself.”
I’d love to hear more about this.? You have it marked as a drama, but I would think Family.