Penpusher
Posted: 2018-12-29T08:59:25+10:00 In:

A Mexican immigrant kidnaps a newborn baby. During the cat-and-mouse chase, a racist detective, discovers the abduction isn’t what it seems.

A Mexican immigrant kidnaps a newborn baby. During the cat-and-mouse chase, a racist detective, discovers the abduction isn’t what it seems.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      “A Mexican immigrant kidnaps a newborn baby. During the cat-and-mouse chase, a racist detective, discovers the abduction isn?t what it seems.”

      “A Mexican immigrant kidnaps a newborn baby.” Seems to be the inciting incident.
      “During the cat-and-mouse chase, ” Is not something that seems to be needed.
      “discovers the abduction isn?t what it seems.” A vague event in the story. I think I see what you’re trying to do. The racist cop realizes that the event they think is related to the character’s race has nothing to do with race but whatever other factor. But it still doesn’t tell the logline reader clear information.
      In fact, it seems more like a late reveal.
      What is the goal of the protagonist?

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    2. Singularity

      A logline should be told from the perspective of the lead character.
      In your logline you start from the perspective of Anna, then switch to the perspective of Detective Miller.

      Instead, since it seems that detective miller is the lead character, you should write the entire logline from his perspective.

      (Also, you don’t need to add names of characters unless they are famous)

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